


If You Ever Come Back ~Peterick fanfic~

by ArankaMusic



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angels, Fallen Angels, Fluff and Angst, Heaven, Human Lucifer, M/M, Peterick, Phanfiction, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-08-31 08:39:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 33,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8571763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArankaMusic/pseuds/ArankaMusic
Summary: Dear Patrick,  It's been one day since you left me. My friends are afraid I will kill myself, but that is not necessary. I already feel dead... My life means nothing without you. Please, I will do anything if you ever come back.Pete





	1. 1 - One Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete Wentz is in pain. His boyfriend left him and he feels like he's alone in the entire universe. In an attempt to help himself he writes letters to express his feelings. But writing can't make everything go away.

Dear Patrick,

It's been one day since you left me. I don't think I can handle this feeling much longer and it's been only twenty-four hours. My heart feels like it's permanently burning and everytime I try to talk, the only thing that comes out is whispering. Why did you do this to me?

Can you just forget all those memories we had? Because I can't. I woke up crying last night, thinking about what we were and what we could be. Our history and our future, is that all gone?

My friends (who are also your friends, I think) are worried that I will kill myself, but I think that suicide is not necessary. I already feel like I'm dead.

Writing you these letters doesn't make sense. I know that, but I do it so I can feel like I still have a tiny connection to you. Even though I know I will never see you anymore.

I can barely read the words anymore because of all the tears that are falling on the paper. I am crying like crazy.

Why did you do this? I thought you loved me. I thought you cared about me. Remember when you said we were forever? Where is our forever now?

I love you. I know I shouldn't. I know I should know better than to hope every hour that you will call me. I know I should stop thinking about you. I know I should forget you, but how can I if you are the only thing that ever mattered to me.

Is this dying, Patrick? If so, please let it be over. Even burning in hell would be better than this bone-crushing, heartbreaking silence that is tearing me apart.

I can't even write lyrics anymore. Everything in my head just disappeared, except for you. You are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Everything I see reminds me of you.

Your beautiful, shining eyes that were the first thing I saw when I woke up. Your strawberry blonde hair that you always covered with a fedora. Your sweet little smile you always showed me when I told you I loved you. You never noticed how much you were worth to me. You are my everything, Patrick. Now you know.

Please, help me. How much longer do I have to deal with this pain that is destroying my whole existence. Now I realize that you were the only thing keeping me together.

This letter keeps going on. If you were here, I would lay my head on your shoulder and you would sing to me. Do you know you have the voice of an angel? It would always calm me down when I would have one of my bad days. Another thing I miss about you.

I wonder if you think of me too. Where are you now? Are you looking at the same stars as I am? I always thought you secretly belonged there. That you were a star in human form. I know it sounds ridiculous. I'm sorry.

I don't hate you. I just don't understand you. Why did you do this? I did nothing wrong. I wish my questions could be answered but I know I can't get everything I want. Some things just have to stay unsolved.

I'm going to end this now. But I have one last thing to say. Please, my life means nothing without you. I will do anything if you ever come back.

Pete

(A/N) Soo guys, this is my first time ever writing something like this. I really hope you'll like it. I know I write like crap but you should know that I only do this for fun. If you want to know where I got the title for this story from; listen to If You Ever Come Back by The Script. Have fun reading. So long and goodnight.

~Panda


	2. 1 - One Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing hurts more than a broken heart, but sometimes physical pain helps numb the emotional pain. Pete's coming closer and closer to the edge.

**Trigger Warning for this chapter**

Dear Patrick,

Everyone tells me to go on with my life. To do the things I used to do, but can I be the same when you're gone and everything's different? I can't.

I finally found a way to ease the pain for a few minutes. It is wrong, I know. But tearing my skin open finally gives me another pain instead of that burning hole that you left when you told me you didn't want me anymore. I can feel physical pain instead of emotional pain now.

I wear long sleeves now, everyday. It makes it easier if people don't know about what I do. They would be disgusted. But when I see the blood run down my arm, I just feel calm. They would have images of me, lying on the bathroom floor with tears streaming down my cheeks and sobbing hysterically.

That's not the truth. I just stand there. Completely silent. My hands are shaking and my heart beats like crazy. I bring the scissors to my wrist. They touch my skin and I finally let my breath go that I've been holding for too long. It hurts. It burns. Just like your love. Tears start to appear in my eyes again, thinking of you. If I would just cut the other side, everything would be over.

But then my thoughts start to become clear again. What do I do now? How will I hide the cuts? How do I clean the blood? What if someone sees it. Now it's not comforting anymore. Now the other pain is back again. Now I have even more pain.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel guilty.

Today a little boy came up to me and asked me if I was an angel. I was confused and told him I was not.

"Of course you are", he said. "Only angels harm themselves because they don't like life on earth. This world is destroying them so they try to return to heaven again. They are too sensitive to the pain of others and their own".

Maybe that's true. Maybe I'm just an angel, trying to go home. Maybe it's all better there. Maybe everyone is better off without me. Would you miss me? Would you even notice if I would disappear? Where are you...

I just discovered a song that actually describes my situation the best. I always like songs that can fit me. It kinda helps me.

_Mayday Mayday. This ship is slowly sinking. They think think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling. They're all around me, circling like vultures. They wanna break me and wash away my colors. Take me high and I'll sing. Oh you make everything okay. We are one and the same. Oh you take all of the pain away. Save me if I become_ _**my demons** _ _..._

Save me, Patrick. Please save me. I don't know if I can take this much longer. Save me before I become my demons. They are taking over. Please, take my pain away. I can't drown them, they know how to swim.

God, it hurts so much. It feels like I'm already dead. I always feel guilty when my mom comes into my room and she sees me sitting there. The eyeliner is smudged all over my face. Maybe I should stop wearing it. I don't want to, though. It feels like the only thing that represents my identity.

I haven't talked to any of our old friends yet. Brendon, Joe, Andy, Gerard, Frank and Mikey are starting to get really worried. Am I a bad friend now? I just can't be with them without you. I can't stop thinking about the good times we had. It just can't be the same without you.

Remember that night when Brendon was drunk and started yelling at Ryan that he loved him? And we were just laughing so hard that it would sting. Can those times ever come back?

I remember the very last time you kissed me. It was after you said goodbye. You said my lips felt cracked but now I know you meant my heart.

I tried to keep denying that I was in love with you at first. I didn't want to fall in love, not at all. But at some point you smiled and holy shit, it felt like everything in my word became a little brighter.

When they asked me what I liked about you, I would just smile and look at the ground because I didn't want them to fall in love with you too.

I need to stop writing. I can't see through the tears and the pain is becoming too much. I'm going to do it again. You can't stop me. It's the only thing that helps.

Goodbye, my one and only love. I won't end it yet, don't worry. There are going to be other letters. But this one is now done.

Pete

**(A/N) Okay guys, I know this chapter was really rough but I just thought that something like this should be in this story. And don't worry, I don't write this because I feel the same or something. It's just that the words poured out of me. Well, I hope you liked it.**

**~Panda**


	3. 3 - Two Weeks After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye is the hardest word to get over your lips and mean it. But this goodbye means relief. It means an ending and it means a beginning. It means the start of a brand new story.

**Trigger warning again.**

**(A/N) Warning: this chapter is going to be FRIGGING SAD. I almost cried writing the last part so eh... prepare**

Dear Patrick,

Alcohol. Not the solution. But God damn, it's such a good painkiller. It can make me feel so much better for a few moments. It makes me feel like I'm flying, Patrick. It's amazing. Until I am sober again... Then everything becomes clear. Then I remember everything. Then that burning pain is back again, and it knocks me out that you are not here to help me.

Sometimes when I came home drunk again, and you were still here, you would sit next to me while I was having a terrible headache and while I was shouting at myself about how stupid I was.

I remember that one time when I promised you that I would never drink again. It was after a horrible night and I had fallen down the stairs. I woke up on the floor and the first thing I saw were your beautiful eyes from which I still don't know the exact color yet. There were tears on your cheeks and you looked scared as hell. I felt guiltier than ever.

At that moment, I knew I would never make you look like that again. I would never make you cry again. So I stopped drinking. For you. But now you're gone and you probably don't care. So why should I stay sober?

I begin to think Vodka is my kind of drink after all. It doesn't taste like anything but it burns straight through my stomach like a sword. It makes me feel powerful. For a short time, it makes me feel like I don't have anything to worry about. Like that hole in my heart doesn't matter.

I know where to get it. I know where they won't ask questions because I'm underage. It is so easy. I never knew it could be so easy to get things to kill yourself with. And yes, I know you can kill yourself with this stuff.

Remember when I told you I had a sister? Remember when I never wanted to talk about her or why I never wanted to say anything about how she died?

One day, I came home and it confused me that she didn't say hi to me.

Normally, she would shout my name from her room and ask me how it was at school. Now she didn't. I walked to her room where she usually was and opened the door.

That was when I found her. I found her. Why did I have to be the one to find her? Her eyes wide open and an empty bottle of wine next to her. There was a note in her pocket. As soon as I saw it, I knew what it was. A suicide note.

I immediately ran towards her. My knees stopped working when I was close and I just crashed to the ground. There I was; eleven years old, tears streaming down my face and struggling to open the envelope and read the words. You couldn't expect me to cope with all the things that I saw at once, and I didn't.

I started screaming. I was sure everyone could hear me but I didn't care. I needed help, right now.

The sobs started to get louder and I held her lifeless body in my arms. I was shaking with fear, and such an immense sadness that it felt like my whole body would implode.

It was half an hour later when my mother discovered me and my sister's body. She was already getting cold and I had buried my face against her shoulder. She didn't smell like herself. The only thing I could smell was that disgusting liquid that took her life away.

God, her face still haunts me. It always chases me in my nightmares, shouting that I should have noticed how she felt. That I should have told her to stay. But how could I know, I was only a kid.

My mother sent me to a psychologist. They thought might wanted to talk about what happened. I didn't. I just wanted that face to go away, to stop haunting me, to stop saying that it was my fault.

I am laying in my bed, on my back with my head facing the ceiling. The only light is coming from my phone. It is 10 pm. Normally, I would be at your house now, or you would be at mine. I can hear my parents talking downstairs. They're probably saying that it is weird for me to go to sleep early.

I wish I could look out of the window to see the sunset, but the curtains are closed to give people the idea that I'm sleeping instead of writing useless letters to you. Those drawings that you and the others made are hanging on the wall to my left.

That one with the pictures of our road trip gets me every time. I keep wishing to go back to those moments. To go back to when everything was all right.

Look, here I am, crying again. I am a mess since you left, Patrick.

You are my drug. Addictive but deadly. I thought I could function without you. Apparently I was wrong.

These are the moments when I realize that I have the most loyal friends in the world. They never even thought about leaving me, even though I am am a waste of space. They are here for me, now you aren't. Especially Gerard is trying to help. He has been writing a load of songs for me. This is one of them:

_So long to all my friends_

_Every one of them met tragic ends._

_With every passing day_

_I'd be lying if I didn't say_

_That I miss them all tonight_

_But if they only knew what I would say_

_If I could be with you tonight_

_I would sing you to sleep_

_Never let them take the light behind your eyes_

_One day I'll lose this fight_

_As we fade in the dark_

_Just remember you will always burn as bright..._

I am sorry, Patrick. I didn't listen to him. I let you take the light behind my eyes. And this is how I burn out. This is how I disappear. This is how I fade away. Without you. Alone. In the dark. Where I'm supposed to be.

This is goodbye, Patrick. Thank you for the memories, even though the last ones weren't so great. Now you don't have to worry about me anymore. Now I don't have to worry about myself anymore. I will die with your name on your lips. I promise. Goodbye. I love you. I'm sorry.

Pete


	4. 4 - Until The End Of The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete has reached the end of the line, the end of his story on earth. But little does he know that every masterpiece must have a sequel.

**Last trigger warning now**

**Pete's POV**

The city lights are shining beneath me. I am surprised by how normal everything looks. Like nothing is going to happen in less than an hour. Like the world will soon not have one human less.

I tried to be strong. I swear I tried. But I guess it is my destiny to do this. I will live with him, or I will not live at all. I look down and see the cars racing through the familiar streets.

Their lights look almost the same as the stars above me. I take a deep breath and stare at the edge that I am standing on. How long will I fall? Will it hurt? Will there be light after death, or only darkness for sinners like me? I don't care. All I ever want is for this burning, decapitating pain in my heart to stop.

I sent all of those letters I wrote to Patrick. He probably hasn't read them anyway. He wouldn't care.

I wanted to die here, with all of those sounds around me. I always hated the silence, it made me feel even more alone than I already did. Now I can feel like I am not the only person in the world.

I move my foot one millimeter towards the edge. I thought it would be easier than this, but my heart is beating like crazy.

I look at the stars again and remember that in my first letter, I wrote Patrick that I used to think that he was a star in human form. I still believe that.

I take one more step. I begin to think that the moral of my life, and the story of my life is that no matter how much we try, no matter how much we want it... some stories just don't have a happy ending.

Why did my story have to be the tragedy?

The floor crumbles a bit under my feet and I gasp for air, afraid to fall already. I clench my fists and close my eyes, trying to control myself.

The tears start to well up in my eyes but I push them back. It is not the time to cry now. Not yet. I need to be able to speak my last words.

The pain in my chest is gone and now I just feel emptiness. Like there is a massive black hole in the place where my heart is supposed do be.

You know that kind of sadness when you want to cry but you can't because you've already cried too much, so you just stare at the wall in silence and feel your whole existence is breaking apart? That is the feeling that has been taking over my life.

I can't do anything to stop the sadness. I've tried to write songs, to spend time with my friends, to focus on my future... Even listening to music wouldn't help.

I didn't deserve him anyway. He was always too good for me.

This is it. I finally let go of all my emotions. I open my mouth and scream. I scream at the top of my lungs, because that is the only thing I can do now.

All those weeks of pouring bottles of alcohol down my throat and tearing my skin open are finally over. It has all lead to this moment.

I stop and open my mouth, but this time I don't scream. I want to say my last words.

"I wish I could say I'm sorry", I start. "But I'm not. I know what I have to do. I do apologise for the grief I may cause to my family or friends.

Mom, I know you've hated suicide since her death, but is it really suicide when I'm already dead inside?

Gerard, thank you for writing that song for me. It's a shame it was too late. The light behind my eyes was already gone.

Joe and Andy, I am sorry that we can never start a band like we hoped we would do. It wouldn't be the same without Patrick anyway.

Brendon, thank you for sticking with me through all of the hard times. We had promised each other that we would be together until the end of the line. Well, I guess this is it.

And finally, Patrick. You was, are and will always be my universe. You made my life better without even knowing it. You were the drug that was keeping me alive. I had promised you in my last letter that I would die with your name on my lips, and I will keep that promise.

I love you, Patrick".

I focus on one star and take the last step, the last step that I will ever take. My feet hit the void and then I'm free. I feel air against my body and then nothing.

That is when I know, that this is truly the end of the line.

**A** **/** **N** **:** **I** **literally** **cried** **while** **writing** **this** **part** **.** **I** **am** **sorry** **for** **all** **of** **the** **feels** **I** **have** **caused** **,** **but** **this** **is** **not** **the** **end** **of** **the** **story** **.** **I** **don't** **really** **know** **what** **I'm** **going** **to** **do** **but** **I** **have** **a** **small** **idea** **.**

**Anyway** **,** **sorry** **that** **this** **chapter** **was** **so** **short** **but** **this** **just** **really** **was** **the** **end** **of** **the** **chapter** **.**

**I** **wrote** **this** **because** **I** **have** **a** **lot** **of** **emotions** **stored** **in** **my** **mind** **,** **and** **this** **is** **the** **only** **way** **that** **I** **can** **express** **them** **.**

**Thank** **you** **so** **much** **for** **reading** **this** **,** **and** **I** **know** **that** **it's** **crap** **,** **but** **thanks** **for** **sticking** **with** **me** **anyway.**


	5. 5 - My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only thing Patrick Stump wanted was to protect his loved one of all harm that might come to him. But now he realises that that leaving him was the wrong thing to do. And that realisation comes too late.

**Patrick's** **POV**

What have I done? Oh god, what have I done? How could I do this? Have I suddenly become heartless? Have I?

I have been walking across an empty parking lot for ages now, trying to clear my mind.

I had to pull over because of the tears that blurred my vision. They appeared when our song came on the radio. I remember we used to dance to it all night long.

I stop and sit down next to my car on the ground. I bury my head in my hands and let the tears flow.

How could I do this, I ask myself again. I think this is the worst decision I've ever made. How could I ever think that this would be better?

I am probably the only one who is whining. I think Pete is just moving on with his life, he has better things to think about than his stupid ex-boyfriend who left him.

I remember that day like it was yesterday, even though two weeks have passed. Two weeks of traveling from city to city, finding places to sleep, and being stuck in my own mind.

I close my eyes and let the flashback take over.

 _"_ _Pete_ _?",_ _I_ _ask_ _carefully_ _as_ _I_ _see_ _someone_ _coming_ _closer_ _._ _I_ _don't_ _have_ _my_ _glasses_ _on_ _so_ _I_ _can_ _only_ _see_ _a_ _blurry_ _figure_ _._

 _"_ _Who_ _else_ _?",_ _the_ _person_ _says_ _as_ _he_ _runs_ _towards_ _me_ _and_ _pulls_ _me_ _into_ _a_ _hug_ _._

 _I_ _bite_ _my_ _lip_ _and_ _push_ _him_ _back, softly_ _._ _Pete_ _looks_ _confused_ _,_ _and_ _also_ _slightly_ _offended_ _._

 _I_ _take_ _a_ _deep_ _,_ _shuddering_ _breath_ _and_ _try_ _to_ _look_ _my_ _boyfriend_ _in_ _the_ _eye_ _,_ _which_ _isn't_ _easy_ _._

 _"_ _Pat_ _?",_ _Pete_ _asks_ _. "_ _What_ _the_ _hell_ _is_ _going_ _on_ _?_ _Wh-_ _why_ _are_ _you_ _acting_ _so_ _strange_ _?"._ _I_ _hear_ _his_ _voice_ _break_ _and_ _so_ _does_ _my_ _heart_ _._

 _"_ _I_ _think_ _we_ _should_ _be_ _done_ _",_ _I_ _say_ _,_ _deciding_ _that_ _it_ _has_ _to_ _be_ _easier_ _after_ _I_ _'ve_ _said_ _it_ _._ _I_ _was_ _oh-so-wrong_ _._

 _Pete_ _gasps_ _for_ _air_ _,_ _not_ _saying_ _anything_ _._ _He_ _takes_ _a_ _step_ _back_ _,_ _like_ _I_ _have_ _suddenly_ _become_ _another_ _person_ _._

 _"_ _Why_ _?",_ _is_ _the_ _only_ _thing_ _he_ _whispers_ _._

 _"_ _I_ _don't_ _want_ _to_ _hurt_ _you_ _,_ _Pete_ _",_ _I_ _say_ _. "_ _And_ _this_ _relationship_ _won't_ _work_ _when_ _I'm_ _constantly_ _afraid_ _of_ _hurting you lik_ _e_ _I_ _did_ _to_ _so_ _many_ _others_ _._ _You_ _deserve_ _better_ _than_ _me_ _"._

 _"_ _But_ _I_ _don't_ _want_ _better_ _than_ _you_ _!",_ _Pete_ _shouts_ _in_ _desperation_ _._ _Tears_ _start_ _to_ _roll_ _down_ _his_ _cheeks_ _,_ _and_ _I_ _need_ _to_ _bite_ _my_ _tongue_ _to_ _stop_ _my_ _tears_ _from_ _falling_ _too_ _._

 _I_ _lean_ _forward_ _and_ _put_ _my_ _hands_ _around_ _his_ _face_ _._ _We_ _press_ _our_ _lips_ _together_ _for_ _one_ _final_ _kiss_ _,_ _and_ _there_ _is_ _a_ _ball_ _of_ _emotion_ _in_ _my_ _throat_ _that_ _just_ _won't_ _go_ _away_ _._ _I_ _thought_ _it_ _would_ _be_ _easier_ _than_ _this_ _._

 _"_ _Your_ _lips_ _feel_ _cracked_ _",_ _is_ _the_ _only_ _thing_ _that_ _I_ _manage_ _to_ _say_ _._ _Then_ _I_ _take_ _a_ _few_ _steps_ _back_ _,_ _letting_ _go_ _of_ _his_ _hand_ _that_ _I_ _was_ _holding_ _tightly_ _._

 _"_ _Take_ _care_ _,_ _Pete_ _",_ _I_ _whisper_ _as_ _the_ _ghost_ _of_ _a_ _smile_ _hints_ _at_ _my_ _face_ _._ _I_ _turn_ _around_ _,_ _and_ _while_ _hearing_ _Pete_ _sobbing_ _violently_ _,_ _I_ _get_ _into_ _my_ _car_ _._

 _As_ _I_ _look_ _in_ _my_ _side mirror_ _,_ _I_ _see_ _him_ _falling_ _to_ _the_ _floor_ _,_ _but_ _I_ _refuse_ _to_ _get_ _out_ _again_ _._ _I_ _promised_ _myself that I would be strong,_ _so_ _I_ _will be_ _._ _I_ _start_ _the_ _engine_ _and_ _drive_ _away_ _,_ _leaving_ _Pete_ _with_ _no_ _idea_ _of_ _how_ _many_ _damage_ _I_ _have_ _done_ _to_ _him_ _._

I shake my head, trying to fight the memories. The tears are starting to fall again, and I can do nothing to stop it. I'm an emotional wreck since I left him.

I look at my watch to see what time it is. 1 AM. I should probably get going.

I stand up to get in my car as I suddenly feel an immense pain ripping through my body. It is like I have been thrown out of a plane and smashed against the ground.

I fall to my knees, groaning and gasping for air. I try to curl up in a ball, in an attempt to make the pain stop, but it won't work.

"Pete... ", is the only thing I manage to say with my last breath. When that word has passed my lips, I lose consciousness.

-

As I open my eyes, I am still lying on the cold pavement of the parking lot. The sun is rising so I make myself stand.

I remember last night, the agonising pain flowing through my body. I still have no idea how it happened, because I feel perfectly fine right now.

Suddenly, my mind jerks awake. I feel an unknown need to call Pete. I don't care what I said or what I've done, I need to hear his voice to make sure he is okay.

I tap on the little icon with his name and some rubbish smileys next to it, and hold my breath as the phone is ringing.

"Hello?", a familiar voice says, although it is not the voice I wanted, nor the voice I expected, and this makes my heart beat in my throat.

"Uhm... Hello, miss Wentz", I stutter, suddenly awkward. "Is there any chance that I can talk to Pete?"

"Oh, my darling", Pete's mom whispers, and I can hear a sob in her voice. "Haven't you heard it?".

"No, I have not heard anything", I say terrified. "What the hell is wrong with Pete?".

"He... He committed suicide last night...", ms. Wentz manages to say in between her cries of sadness.

"The... The police found him, crashed on the street with..."

I drop the phone, as my muscles stop working. I can hear the voice of Pete's mother in the distance, but that doesn't matter.

I fall to my knees and let out a heartbreaking scream. I punch the concrete with my fists until they're bleeding, but that doesn't ease the pain that this news caused me.

Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III is dead, and he is dead because of me.


	6. 6 - I've Never Felt So Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete wakes up in a weird, white mass. After waiting for far too long he finds an old friend he can talk to.

**Pete's** **POV**

White, is the only thing my eyes can register when I open them. I blink them a couple times, but there is still nothing I can recognize.

I try to move my body, in which I succeed. That calms me down a little bit, but it still confuses me that I can't see anything but white.

I notice that I was laying down the whole time, so I try to stand up. I can't see the floor I am standing on, but it feels kinda soft, like grass.

I turn a full circle, searching for any sign of life in this weird, white place.

That is when something hits me. My last memory. My feet hitting the void and then those waves of blackness suffocating me. And what hits me the most, is what I did, and why I did it.

I stumble a few steps back, my head overflowing with that one thought.

 _I_ _am_ _dead_ _._ _This_ _is_ _what_ _it_ _looks_ _like_ _when_ _you're_ _dead_ _._

I feel a little more calm after that, because I finally have a logical answer for why I am here. But then another thought hits me.

Patrick Stump. Now all possibilities of seeing him again are gone.

I feel that my body wants to cry, but it is impossible to cry. It is like all the tears are gone.

For how long have I been in this place? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks?

I decide to walk further, because I won't get any information about this place if I just keep standing here.

I walk for what seems like ages, until I see a blurry form in the distance. I don't know if it is a person or a thing, but I know that I am happy to see that I am not the only thing in this field of clouds.

It looks like the figure is moving too, so we come closer to each other, and then I can finally see the figure properly.

The long black hair, the same hazel eyes as I have, that sweet little smile I saw so often, her blushing cheeks, her oversized Green Day shirt.

I am standing in front of my sister.

That is when the tears are back again. I run towards her and hug her so tight, I am afraid I might hurt her.

She is about half a foot taller than me, so she looks down at me.

"Peter, you little idiot", she whispers in my hair. I smile and remember that I got so annoyed when she called me Peter instead of Pete.

"I thought you were smarter than I was", she whispers, and I hear that she is choking back tears.

"I thought that you knew that the world was too beautiful to leave. I thought that you knew that you should never let anyone get you down".

"But I didn't", I say as I look up at her. "I did something way worse. I let someone love me, and I started loving him back. I let him taking over my life".

"Oh, love...", she says in a sad voice. "It can be such a killer..."

I nod in agreement. Memories of Patrick flash by in my brain, and it hurts more than ever now I know that I will probably never see him again.

"What is it like, living in this place?", I ask. "Is this everything? Are we stuck in this stupid, white mass for eternity?".

"No". My sister laughs like I just said something funny. "This is basically just the front door of everything. I will show you around, come on".

I wonder where she is going to take me, because I feel like I have explored this whole damn place.

"Where are we going?", I ask.

"Up", is the only thing my sister says, and while she says it, a pair of shining white wings with black tips unfold from behind her.

I don't have time to ask anything or to be amazed becuase she takes my hand and flies away. I can feel the air against my body and her wings pushing us forward. It is a thing I will never forget.

I see the white mass slowly disappearing underneath us and as I look up, I see that the whiteness is opening up to make room for what seems like an portal.

We fly through it and I need to cover my eyes with my other hand to protect them from the sudden light all around us.

As my eyes are used to the light, I look around. My first thought is that it looks like one of those Greek temples I've seen in books or movies.

My second thought is that it is crowded as hell -or should I say crowded as heaven- because there were people everywhere.

Their ages varied a lot. I almost got run over by a toddler on a tricycle, while on my right an old man with grey hair smiled at me.

"Are those people... Are they all dead?", I ask a bit scared.

"Yes", my sister confirms with a smile. "Just like you and me".

"And do they all have wings?", I ask. "Do I have wings?", I then ask and my eyes widen.

My sister nods in agreement. She makes a little hand movement that I recognise as 'try it'.

My whole body gets tense and I lean backwards, as I feel my back being ripped open. It doesn't hurt, it just feels weird.

I stand up straight again, trying to look behind me.

"What do they look like?", I ask excited.

"They are white, like mine", my sister answers. "But they have red, kind of crimson coloured tips. Everyone has different coloured tips. It depends on how they died.

Mine are black, because I commited suicide when I was depressed. Yours are red, which means you died while you suffered from a broken heart".

I nod and look around without saying anything. Then I spread my wings and feel the air move underneath them.

My body leaves the ground and I see the people getting smaller. I spread my arms and close my eyes, so it's just me, my wings and the air.

And until that moment, I swear, I've never felt so light.


	7. 7 - Warm Comfortable Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven isn't even close to what Pete had imagined. But with people close to him making him feel the warmest he's felt in a long time, it is the best he's gonna get.

**Pete's POV**

After I have calmed down a bit, I descend to the ground. My sister is standing there with a huge smile on her face. I've never seen her like that, so proud.

I land in front of her, smiling just as much as she is. She is about to say something as I suddenly feel something pulling my leg.

I look down and see a little girl hugging me. She buries her face against my leg, so I can't see who she is until she looks up.

"Petey!", she shouts in a high, musical voice. Her eyes are a bright shade of blue and her brown hair is hanging in a braid on her back. I recognize her.

My neighbours used to have a daughter. She was about four years old when her family got into a car accident. Her whole family survived, except for her.

She had a whole life in front of her and didn't get the chance to live it. Now she is here, forever stuck as the toddler she was when she died.

I remember her voice when she was playing outside with her parents and I was looking out of my window. It was before I knew Patrick. I was about fifteen, I think.

She always wanted to play with me, and since I just lost my sister, I became kind of a big brother for her. She always called me Petey, even though it annoyed the living crap out of me.

Seeing her now brings tears to my eyes. I smile and push them back, I can't cry in front of her.

"Hey...". It takes me a while to remember her name. "Caty", I then say.

She smiles at me and it looks like the whole air around that little girl is glowing. I've never seen such pure happiness, like there is nothing inside that mind but innocence. What she says then breaks my heart.

"When are mommy and daddy coming?", she asks. I bite my lip, because I remember that when they die, they will probably be so old that I doubt Caty will even recognize them. And then they will see her, just the same after all those years.

 I don't know what to answer, and even if I knew it, I wouldn't be able to speak because the tears are stopping my voice from functioning normally.

"They...", I stutter. "Not... not yet. I'm sorry. But I will be here to keep you company". I try to avoid eye contact because I won't be able to cope with the sight of those blue eyes being filled with tears.

As I finally look down, I see she isn't as disappointed as I expected. She just seems content with the thought of me being here, and that makes me feel happier than I've felt in weeks.

"So, how about you give me a little tour?", I ask and even though I know it won't be a legit tour, it will sure as hell be fun to see that girl trying ot explain everything.

Caty jumps up immediately and grabs my hand, pulling me forward. She leads me to a hole in the ground. As I look down, all I see is white. It is like the hole leads to nothing.

"This is were you came from", Caty says. "We all flew through here, only to be greeted by him",

"Him?", I ask. "Who is him?".

"I- I don't know...", Caty says after thinking a while. "He looks like the person you want to see at that moment. For me, he looked like daddy. Maybe he will look like your mommy for you?".

I bite my lip, because I know 'he' will not look like my mother. I know that there is a person I want to see even more. I shake my head, as if I try to shake the memories out.

I don't even have time to look at the hole anymore, because Caty pulls me to the direction of something else. There is a small door in the huge, marble wall of this temple-like building, and we walk through it.

Behind it lies a corridor, which seems like it goes on for miles. It is quite dark, and the only light comes from torches hanging on the walls. It reminds me of the secret corridors you see in pyramids in those Indiana Jones movies.

We take the third door on our left, which leads to a huge hall with bunk beds everywhere. It is quite light, and every bed has a drawer next to it. The walls are made of a light kind of stone, and the floor is wooden. 

"This is where I sleep with the other boys and girls", Caty explains. "The older kids sleep in a different room, just like the grown-ups".

I look around. How can anyone sleep in this place? It looks like a freaking church. How are children supposed to sleep in there?

That is my first reaction, until I look better. The way the fire of the torches makes these little patterns on the wall makes me sleepy. The beds look soft, and I can already imagine all those children lying there late at night, with tired eyes and soft voices. It's like a permanent sleepover.

I didn't notice that I was glaring so much until Caty giggles at me. I wake up from my daydream and follow her back to that endless corridor. 

Sadly, we have to walk further this time. And by further I mean to the fucking end of the thing. As we have almost reached it, which took us about ten minutes, I see that the corridor ends in a wall with a huge window it.

Just before that wall, we go to the right. That is were we end up in a slightly smaller hall, you could even call it a quite big room. 

It has the same kind of wall and floor as the other room, and the same torches on the wall. The biggest differences with the first one are that there is only one bed, a crimson coloured carpet which looks extremely soft, and a fireplace with a crackling fire in it. 

"This is were you will sleep", Caty says, pointing at the huge bed in the corner of the room. I immediately feel at home and Caty sees it too.

"Are you going to play with me later?", she asks, afraid that I will suddenly disappear or something.

"Of course". I smile at her and she leaves me alone. 

The silence is comforting, but it also terrifies me, because now I'm alone with my thoughts. In an attempt to escape the memories, I lay down on my bed.

The matress is extremely soft and my head fits perfectly on the pillow. It doesn't suprise me that I fall asleep within a minute, and finally another darkness surrounds me. The warm, comfortable darkness, that feels like blankets and love and... 

I am already long gone before I could finish the thought.


	8. 8 - Everyone Knows About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can be remebered for the things you don't want to be remembered for. But Pete never realised he ould be rememberd for the things he didn't even know he could be remembered for.

**Pete's POV**

I open my eyes and I smile as I see the familiar colour of the eyes that are floating above me. I turn around while closing my eyes again.

"Patrick, please", I whisper while smiling. "I promise that I won't stay up late next time". I look up as I don't hear an answer.

That is when reality forms its way into my head. Patrick isn't here. I am in heaven. I will never see him again. So why did I see those eyes? I am sure I saw them.

I sit straight up and almost get a heart attack as I see who is standing next to my bed.

"Y-you...", I stutter. "You can't be here. You can't be dead too. You're supposed to be gone". Then my rage takes over.

"Get out! You can't leave and then come back! You have made your choice and you can't return to break my heart once again! Now get the hell out!".

I stand up and point at the door. It breaks me to say these things to the person I love the most, but I have to do it. I won't let him hurt me like that again.

"I am sorry", Patrick just says. I already open my mouth to shout at him but he holds his hand up. A sign that I should be silent.

"I did not know that you would react like that. This might be a better form for this situation".

I just look, confused by what he just said. He doesn't sound like my Patrick anymore. He sounds like some kind of... god... Then one of the weirdest thing I've ever seen happens in front of my own eyes.

A golden glow falls over Patrick's body. It starts at his fedora and moves down. Everywhere the glow goes, it leaves a trail of colours, like fire burning a piece of paper.

That is how I see him changing. Slowly, until a complete other person is standing in front of me. The red hair, the hazel eyes, the skinny jeans and the cheeky smile. In exactly the same place as Patrick was standing, Gerard Way appeared.

"Is this better?", he asks in that voice I've heard so many times. I stumble backwards. This is too much for me to deal with. This can't be real.

Then I remember what Caty said. That God appears in the form of the person you want to see the most. I look Gerard-who-is-not-actually-Gerard in the eye.

"Are you God?", I ask in a somewhat shy voice.

"I guess you could call me that", God answers. "But I prefer not to be called that. It sounds way too formal. You can call me what you want".

"I will just call you Gerard, okay?", I say. "What- what do you want from me?"

"I want to tell you more about the place where you are now. I thought you might need that".

When I don't say anything and just nod slightly, he continues. His voice sounds different than the voice of the person who is actually Gerard Way. It sounds more musical, with a bit of a British accent. It is nice to listen to it.

"You are in a place which is called many names. You can call it Heaven, but most of us just refer to it as Home. You will not age here, and neither can you get hurt or sick.

Home is more than just this giant building. It is surrounded by the landscape you can compare the most to the hills of Ireland. The sky is always blue, and the grass is always green.

On the east side is a lake, which you may have seen through the window of the East Corridor. Many people think it is a sea, but the water is pure instead of filled with salt. Nobody knows how far it leads, and it is possible that it is endless, that it goes on forever.

There is a small beach that goes around the lake on the left of it. Some of the younger children go there to play sometimes".

Gerard, or God, or whoever this person was stops talking for a split second. I look up. I had almost forgotten that I was standing in this room, listening to a story. It was like I was actually there. I could feel the sand, I could see the waves.

"And I guess that is all you need to know. You can go explore the rest by yourself", he says. "If you need anything, you can just ask anyone. Most of them will have an answer".

And with that, he disappears in a golden glow. No sound, no warning. He is just... gone, all of a sudden.

And there I am, in my room, alone, left with my thoughts. I don't know what to do with this information. Part of me wants to explore and do awesome things, but the other half of me wants to curl up in a ball and cry until there are no tears left.

I think my mind just needs to recover from what it has been through, but that is impossible when I'm contantly reminded of what I tried to lose forever. Because that is the reason why I did it, the reason why I ended my life. To help my mind, to ease the pain.

It makes me so insanely hopeless that even death can't stop love or pain. It will just go on, and you will be left with your suffering.

The only difference is that this time, you can't end it again. You're stuck here. Stuck with the demons crawling in your mind, making you want to tear your skin open and scream on the top of your lungs.

I'm on the verge of tears as I hear a knock on the door. I walk towards it and open it. The handle is heavy and shiny, like it is made of pure gold, and it is shaped in the form of a set of wings.

A boy is standing behind the door. He has short, brown hair and looks at me with friendly, dark brown eyes. He looks younger than me but as I look into his eyes, I know they have seen things I can't even imagine.

"Hey", the boy just says. "I'm Dan Howell". I look a bit awkward after that. I've never been good at making friends.

"Hey... I'm Pete...", I say in a horrible, soft voice which makes it clear that I was almost crying just a minute ago.

"Well, Pete", Dan says. "Since you are new here, and you have just heard everything, I thought you might want to see it yourself. I can show it to you. I know how hard it is to be new here but don't worry, you will get used to it".

"How- how do you know I am new here?", I ask a bit freaked out. "And how do you know that it is hard for me to be here?".

"Everyone knows about you", Dan simply answers. "You are the brave boy that would rather quit living on the earth, than live on it without his true love".


	9. 9 - If It's Not Okay, It's Not The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan takes Pete on a journey to see a friend, and Pete realises that age doesn't matter to the wisdom of a person. It's the things they've been through, the things they've seen. That's why Dan can tell him the wisest lesson he's ever heard.

**Pete's POV**

The words Dan just said bring tears to my eyes. They aren't tears of sadness, but of disbelief. Is that really how they see me? They think that it was brave to end my life? That it was a thing to be proud of? It wasn't. It was pathetic. It showed that I was too weak to live my own life.

Dan pulls me out of my thoughts with a soft tap on my shoulder. He looks careful at me with those big brown eyes. He is taller than me, but I can see that he is at least five years younger than I am.

"Are- are you okay?", he asks a bit scared. He clearly has never seen anyone older than him on the verge of tears. I take a deep breath and put a fake smile on.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Where do you want to take me first?", I say, hoping my smile looks convincing enough.

"Uhh... We can go see the lake, or I can show you the other rooms, or we can see the hills or...", Dan starts rambling. I laugh, and this time it's not forced. I've never seen anyone being so enthusiastic about showing me things.

"Wait, we can go get Phil!", Dan finally says. "He probably wants to see you too and then he can come with us!". He makes some kind of jump of excitement and grabs my arm.

"Come on, we have to go! We have already wasted way too much time by just standing here!". He pulls me forward through that endless corridor until we're standing in the big hall that I first saw when I flew through the portal.

Dan walks towards the other end of the hall and it almost seems like we are going to walk through the wall, which wouldn't suprise me, until he takes a left into another, shorter corridor which leads to a room that looks similar to the room where Caty sleeps.

"Phil!", Dan shouts, making me jump. I almost forgot he was here while admiring everything we were walking past.

A boy, about the same age and height as Dan, sticks his head around the corner. He looks a lot like Dan, except that he has black hair and bright blue eyes, and that his fringe goes to the other side.

A smile appears on his face as he sees his friend standing there, and a kind of shocked look replaces it as he sees me standing next to him. I wave awkwardly and Phil snaps out of his thoughts.

"Oh- uh, hey", he says. "Are you the new one?", he asks. It gets on my nerves that everyone keeps calling me 'new one'. I have a name, and I would appreciate if people called me what I'm supposed to be called.

"Yes, I'm Pete", I say slightly annoyed. Phil notices that and blushes. He looks down with a bit of a sad face. That scares me, I didn't want to make this kid feel sad!

"I'm sorry. It's just that... everybody calls you that", he says softly.

"He's really insecure", Dan whispers in my ear. "Please don't get angry at him or something"

"Oh... okay", I say awkardly. "So, where do you guys want to take me?", I ask, trying to change the subject and make the mood a little lighter

"Uh... Hills would be nice... I guess?", Phil mumbles and Dan nods immediately in approval. I get the feeling that Phil could have said anything and Dan would agree anyway.

"Fine", I shrug. I know that I seem uninterested but I honestly couldn't care less where we would go. I know that I will be the third wheel with these two lovers.

Dan and Phil guide me to the exit of this building; a huge, heavy door made of the same dark kind of wood you see everywhere in this godforsaken place.

As soon as I am standing outside, the sunshine nearly blinds me. It has been so long since I have seen actual sunlight that it almost scares me.

I follow Dan and Phil without saying anything. They're too busy talking to each other anyway. It hurts that I used to have friends that were that close. But instead I chose to leave them.

After we walked for about fifteen minutes, the building is nowhere to be seen. It is beautiful out here, with the sound of birds filling my ears and the wind blowing through my hair. I close my eyes and breathe in the fresh air.

"Come on, let's see who is the fastest", Dan says, waking me from my thoughts.

"The person who reaches the building as first, wins and we will do all of his chores for a week".

Dan leans back a bit and a pair of wings unfold behind his back. The tips of these ones are a dark shade of blue, and I'm wondering how he died.

Phil does the same and I notice that his wings have the same shade of blue on the edges. Could be coincidence, but I doubt that.

I lean backwards and let my wings unfold too. It still feels weird, but it doesn't hurt anymore. I move them a bit, just to make sure that they are actually there, that I actually have wings.

Just before I am about to fly away, Dan puts a hand on my shoulder, keeping me on the ground.

"It's going to be okay, you know?", he says in a soft voice.

I look at him with a confused expression on my face. Dan smiles and repeats it.

"It's going to be okay in the end. And if it's not okay, it's not the end."

And I don't know how the hell that boy did it, but those words were exactly what I needed right now.

I smile and nod, but try to change the subject before I'm going to cry.

I ready my wings, leaning forward a bit.

"Are ya ready?", I ask Dan and Phil, a smile spreading across my face. They nod and without any warning, I launch myself into the air and let the wind get underneath my wings.

Focused on my destination I race forward, the cold air playing tricks with my hair, and I realise Dan was right.

It's going to be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end.


	10. 10 - You Chose This Life So Now You Have To Live It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has taken a far too long time for Pete to finally see he should show his feelings instead of outing them in the wrong times. And now he does, everything comes out at once.

**Little A/N: Thanks for 201 hits and 6 kudos already :) Never thought it'd go this fast and that people would like this story.**

**Pete's** **POV**

"How in the hell did you do that?", Dan shouts from a distance as they are finally coming close to the place where I have been standing for minutes.

"I truly have no idea", I shout back and laugh as I see him and Phil flying closer, totally out of breath and with an amazed expression on their faces. Their wings start to move slower and they land in front of me at exact the same moment. It's almost creepy how alike they are.

"Uhm... Dan?", I ask a bit awkardly, because I know how weird this will sound. "How did you die? I've never seen wings in that colour".

"Oh- ", Dan says a bit startled. "I think Phil should tell you that story, because he is the one that was conscious for the whole time. I barely remember anything of it". He nods at Phil who nods back. Phil takes a deep breath and starts to talk.

"It was 1922. December 17th, to be exact", Phil starts and my eyes whiden. 1922? They've been here for almost a century? They may look young, but mentally they know more than I ever will probably.

"It would be our first holiday as a couple, and we were extremely excited. Dan had booked us a trip to America which meant that we had to travel by boat. It was unusual to travel such a long way by boat in those days, so we were slightly scared.

The day came and we went aboard with no idea of what would happen in our future. It was magical and we had the time of our life. During the day we would explore the ship and by nighttime the crew would play music and we danced with the notes filling our ears.

After about three days the captain told us that a storm was approaching and that we should get back to the safety of our cabin. We did as we were told and stayed close to eachother, hoping that the storm would pass.

In the middle of the night we were woken up by the screams of everyone on the ship. We ran outside and saw that people were running around. The ship was turning over because of the huge waves that surrounded it and rain was pouring down on us. It was terrifying.

We heard the captain scream to get into the life-boats but there were too many people running towards them for us to reach it in time. We knew that our days were numbered but refused to accept that destiny.

In one last attempt to save our lives we leaped towards the life-boat which was already going away. While leaving the ground, we knew that it was hopeless.

We landed in the water and the cold surrounded us immediately. I remember that we kept holding eachothers hand, even while the waves threatened to swallow us. The temperature of the water was slowly paralyzing us and we knew that we had only a few moments left.

We could barely talk but we knew that words weren't needed at this moment. We just needed eachothers presence in this hell that was slowly drowning us. I remember that I managed to gasp for air one last time before I completely lost my consciousness which Dan had lost immediately when he hit the water.

I died while holding the hand of the person I would give my life for, and that is the only thing I ever wanted. Now we are happy here and try not to think of those memories, but they have definitely changed us".

Phil stops talking and I am standing there in awe of how much they've been through. I thought my death was tragic, but their death was like a version of Titanic.

"So, to answer your question", Phil continues awkwardly. "Our wings are blue because we drowned..."

"I- I'm so sorry...", is the only thing I can think of, which sounds horribly stupid.

"For what?", Dan asks. "We are happy now, and just because we're dead doesn't mean we're not allowed to have an amazing life... Well, afterlife".

I realise that these people are the reason my hope for humanity hasn't faded yet. They are so positive and funny and kind, even after all that they've been through.

They might look young, but they are better persons than I will ever be. And they have each other...

Come on, Pete, stop feeling so bad for yourself! You need to stop being such a huge dipshit all the time. You chose this life so now you have to live it.

"Hey, Pete", Dan pulls me back into reality. "I know what your wings mean and... I just want to say that...

You only get one choice in this world, and that is not to live or to die, but to live or to survive.

You might think you have made the right choice by doing this, but you only desire the things you will never have.

You get put on this earth for a reason, and that is not to end it just because some person broke your heart, but to do something.

Every human being has a purpose and when you think you don't; think about this.

Why would God create a beautiful, unique soul for you just so you can destroy it.

You threw away your life like it was nothing, but I hope you realise that I would give everything for me and Phil to be alive again. We might be happy here, but life is the most precious gift that has been given to humanity, you should treat it with care".

Dan sighs and walks away without saying anything, leaving me speechless.

His words smash into my brain like a hammer, and I realise how true they are. Every word of it is true. Why have I not thought of this?

I have thrown my life away like it was nothing, while other people would give anything to be alive.

I fall to my knees and cry. I cry like I've never cried before. But they aren't cries of agony or sadness, they are tears of regret. And there is one word I keep repeating while rocking back and forth.

_"Patrick"_


	11. 11 - You Won't Feel A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick is not fine. He is not fine at all. His friends try his best to help him but he has lift in a haze since Pete's death. But does a call from another world break this haze?

**Patrick's** **POV**

"Hey, Pat. Are you okay?", Gerard asks. I flinch at the sound of his voice, I wasn't expecting it. That happens a lot these days. I've kind of been living in my own world, where everything is fine and where I have no dead friends.

That is just not the truth. The truth is that my life is fucked up, and that is all because of me. My friends are suffering and that is my fault.

I look my friend in the eye. He takes a step back, seeing the pure hopelessness in my face. Then he looks away. He probably can't look at me without being reminded of Pete.

"Do you think any of us are okay, Gerard?" I don't mean for it to sound so annoyed but I just can't help it. I've turned into a completely different person since that day.

"No", Gerard takes a deep breath. "Definitely not", his voice breaks and he bites his lip, kicking against a rock which was lying somewhere in front of his foot. I had never seen my friend so lifeless.

"That- those things you said at the funeral...", Gerard starts. "That was beautiful, man. Seriously."

The funeral? I can barely remember anything without tears from that day. Yes, I said something. About how much I loved Pete. And that I was sorry. And Gerard sang. A song about the light behind your eyes.

I realise that I have to compliment him back now. I try to fake a smile which probably looks like I'm being stabbed so I give that up.

"Yeah, your... song was beautiful too...", I mumble, not even making an attempt at looking like I mean it.

Gerard lays a hand on my shoulder. I wasn't expecting that sudden movement so I can't help but jump a little. He quickly pulls his arms back.

"I- I just want to say that... We all feel broken. And if- if there is something we can do for you, you just have to ask. We will always be there for you, Pat".

His words bring tears to my eyes. Gerard and I have always been close, like Pete and Brendon, but the events of the past days have really made us even closer.

How come my friends haven't dumped me yet? How am I so blessed to have these friends that will never leave me, no matter what. How did I ever deserve this?

They wouldn't be as kind if they knew that I am the reason of their friend's death. That I am the cause of their sadness. I don't deserve these people, and I never will.

"Thanks, Gee", is the only thing I manage to respond. I know that it sounds like I don't care but my eyes, who are glistening with tears, say more than the words.

"No problem." Gerard just smiles and walks away, leaving me alone with my horrifying sadness.

I sit down against a wall and put in my ear buds, trying to block out any thought that would be able to make me sad. I put my music on shuffle, hoping to avoid all of the lovesongs. Sadly, that doesn't work.

You Won't Feel A Thing by The Script. I bite my lip, fighting back tears. I wish that I could have made Pete not feel a thing, then everything would be fine.

 _When_ _trouble_ _thinks_ _it's_ _found_ _us_ _,_ _the_ _world_ _falls_ _down_ _around_ _us_ _._ _I_ _promise_ _baby_ _,_ _you_ _won't_ _ever_ _,_ _you_ _won't_ _ever_ _feel_ _a_ _thing_ _._

 _Cause_ _I_ _will_ _take_ _it_ _on_ _the_ _chin_ _,_ _for_ _you_ _._ _So_ _lay_ _your_ _cuts_ _and_ _bruises_ _over_ _my_ _skin_ _._ _I_ _promise_ _you_ _won't_ _feel_ _a_ _thing_ _._

The day I read those letters was the day that my life truly collapsed. Knowing that he truly missed me and that I was the reason he didn't find his life worth living anymore, was worse than anything I could ever imagine.

About how his sister committed suicide, about how he used to cut himself and get himself drunk to block out the pain I had caused by leaving him, while I thought it would be the best for him.

It was like someone stabbing me in the chest with a knife and then twisting it before pulling it out, but worse. It was destroying my soul.

And it was so sad to think that Pete thought he had nobody that cared about him, while his friends were worried sick. He was good at hiding his emotions, probably too good.

I should stop thinking about him. It doesn't change anything. He isn't coming back. He is gone. Forever. And I-

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain shooting through my entire body, just like on that night when Pete died.

I feel like I'm being torn in half and my head is hurting so much that I'm afraid for it to explode. I hear sounds bouncing in it, but I can't discover what they are.

Then one loud scream, so loud that my whole vision becomes black and I flail my arms, trying to get the pain to go away.

_Patrick_ _!_

"Pete?", I say, gasping for air. I rock back and forth, hoping to hear that voice again. It doesn't matter that it is the most excruciating pain I have ever felt, I need to hear Pete saying my name again.

But it is gone, just as sudden as it started. Just when I wanted it to continue. My heart is beating in my throat and my limbs are shaking.

I lean back and close my eyes, thinking about what the hell happened just then. It can't be Pete. Pete is dead, how could he speak to me? But I swear that it was his voice calling my name.

I can't help but feel a small spark of hope growing in my heart. My brain tells me that it is impossible, that dead people can't speak to you in your head, but my heart says the opposite.

That is when an idea comes to my mind. Maybe I can make Pete hear me too. I know that the idea is ridiculous, but I have to try it. I make sure that nobody is around. Then I scream, I scream louder than I thought was possible.

 _"_ _Pete_ _Wentz_ _,_ _I_ _love_ _you_ _!"_

I scream until I'm out of breath and after that, I'm almost completely sure that it worked. Or at least, it feels like it did.


	12. 12 - I Crave Your Presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Pete finds out how important the power of thoughts is, he discovers a way to talk with the living. But that way is not without consequences.

**Pete's POV**

I gasp for air as I hear his voice in my mind. It was crystal-clear that it was his voice. And he said my name. He said he loved me... He... he misses me?

That can't be possible. He was the one who left me, he was the one who made me do this.

No, I correct myself. He didn't make me kill myself. I chose it myself. I chose it because I was so desperate for the pain to stop. But it didn't help. Relief was never an option.

My thoughts go back to his voice, repeating it over and over in my head. The memory of it calms me down, even though I am slightly doubting my sanity. I mean come on, it is impossible that I have heard him. I am dead and he is alive.

I hold my head in between my hands, leaning my back against the wall of my room. Dan and Phil are probably in their room too, together... Not hearing voices of the person they love but can't have...

That is when a light pops up in my brain. It reminds me of one sentence Dan said to me, earlier this day. That you only desire the things you can't have. I didn't really think of it then but now its full meaning hits me.

I never realised how much I loved Patrick until he was gone, and that was when I could never get him back, when it was too late. I should have told him earlier. I should have known... I should have done something!

The more I think, the angrier I get at myself. I start to feel like it's all been my fault. That I could have prevented all of this! That none of this had to happen if it wasn't for me.

I stand up and in one movement full of rage I move my arm towards the wall. It hits the cold, dark wood with a sickening crack. I get a scared feeling in my stomach that it wasn't the wall when I notice that I'm not feeling any pain.

I look at my knuckles and see that they are completely clean, there's not even a scratch on them. I move my eyes to the wall and see that there is a hole in it, about the size of my fist. It scares and amazes me at the same time, that I was able to break through solid wood.

Then I remember what God said to me. That you can't get hurt, sick or die here. But he forgot to tell that I have freaking superstrength from now on. I sigh deeply.

_Patrick, please... If you can hear me... Give me a sign..._

I concentrate so hard on forming those words in my head that it feels like my brain is going to explode. I see every letter in my mind and focus on Patrick's face after that. His soft hair, his beautiful eyes, his cute smile... His everything.

And when I sit back in my spot against the wall, I know I did everything I could have done.

**Patrick's POV**

I hear his voice in my head, but without the terrible ache this time. I hear him asking for a sign. A sign... How the hell am I supposed to give a sign when I only just discovered that I can hear him in my mind?

I sigh as I lean with my head against the wall. I have been walking circles in my room for ages. It feels like the mess in my soul just won't clean itself. But maybe that's because I actually have to give a sign.

I close my eyes and whisper, but with so much power that it feels like I am shouting.

_Pete, I am here_

I imagine his face. His hazel eyes, his hair that he dyes almost once a month, his cheeks that turn red when someone gives him a compliment...

That is when I feel that tingle again, that almost familiar feeling that I get when I hear him.

_You are? Patrick! I miss you!_

There are spaces of time between the words, almost like he has to gasp for air after every sentence. My face breaks open in a smile. It almost hurts, and I realise how long it's been since I've smiled.

_Yes, Pete. I am. And I miss you too. I miss you with every part of my being._

It isn't as hard this time, I have to concentrate less to be sure that my message has arrived. This feels like some freaky next-generation WhatsApping.

_You... You do... Patrick, I want you. I want you here. I want to see you, sense you, feel you..._

His words send shivers down my spine, because I want exactly the same. And my heart skips a beat after hearing him say what I wanted him to say.

_You have no idea how much I crave your presence right now. My heart has been empty since I left. I am so sorry, Pete. I never wanted any of this. I wanted you to go on with your life. But now I see that that was never possible..._

I have to blink the tears away that threaten to leak from my eyes. I need to concentrate. But it is so horrifying and amazing at the same time to finally say these things. They have been consuming my thoughts for weeks.

_No, Patrick. This is my fault. I killed myself. And that is the biggest mistake I have ever made. But..._

His voice becomes softer after this.

_Can we please continue this later? I'm really... really tired..._

I assume that the pause between the words means a yawn and I smile.

_Of course. I love you, Pete. Stay safe._

I hear a few mumbles after that and then it becomes silent. I close my eyes and smile. This has been, without a doubt, the best day in my whole life.


	13. 13 - Then Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A figure as terrible as Pete's worst nightmare teaches him something he didn't even know about himself.

**Pete's POV**

My head is hurting like hell after all that mind-talking stuff with Patrick, but it was totally worth it. The sound of his voice in my mind was like coming home after a long time of being away. It was like finally being at ease again.

I close my eyes and imagine him. He is probably sitting on the floor, his back against the wall. He always prefered to sit on the ground instead of a chair. I imagine his smile brightening his face as his eyes close and he leans his head back.

I'm tired but I don't want to let go of this, this moment of complete happiness. I realize it's been a while since I've felt happy. Since there is no sign of that darkness that is usually in my chest, surrounding my heart and filling my brain with thoughts that destroy me.

I sit down on my huge, kingsize bed and roll over on my side. My eyelids are starting to feel heavy and I know that it won't be long until I fall asleep. I try to fight the waves of weariness that come crashing down on me but the bed is so soft... and that feeling inside my heart is so warm and everything is nice and...

_The room is dark and I can't see anything. I can sense that there is someone in there but I don't know who it is... or what it is. I step over the doorstep and a feeling of uneasiness takes hold of me. The feeling of being watched._

_I turn around and the hairs on the back of my neck are standing straight up. The urge to run away and leave this place behind me is so strong that I can barely control it, but I manage to keep standing. I know why I came here, and I know that I won't leave without succeeding._

_I keep walking and even though my legs are shaking horrendously bad, I keep going. At the end of the room I see a crack in the wooden planks blocking off the windows, allowing a small ray of moonlight to light up the place._

_In_ _that_ _ray_ _of_ _moonlight_ _,_ _I_ _see_ _a_ _silhouette_ _._ _The_ _figure_ _is_ _standing_ _with_ _their_ _back_ _towards_ _me_ _,_ _preventing_ _me_ _from_ _seeing_ _their_ _face_ _._

 _"_ _Patrick_ _?", I_ _whisper_ _,_ _and_ _as_ _soon_ _as_ _the_ _words_ _leave_ _my_ _lips_ _, I_ _know_ _that_ _this_ _isn't_ _Patrick_ _._ _This_ _i_ _s_ _something_ _way_ _worse_ _than_ _Patrick_ _,_ _worse_ _than_ _anything_ _I_ _could_ _ever_ _imagine_ _._

 _Despite_ _my_ _heart_ _fluttering_ _in_ _my_ _chest_ _like_ _a_ _trapped_ _bird rattling in a cage_ _,_ _I_ _step_ _forward_ _._

 _"_ _Patrick_ _?",_ _I_ _ask_ _again_ _,_ _and_ _every_ _time_ _I_ _say_ _his_ _name_ _,_ _the_ _feeling_ _that this is something way more horrifying gets_ _stronger_ _._

 _Finally,_ _after_ _what_ _feels_ _like_ _a_ _century_ _of_ _being_ _alone_ _with_ _only_ _my_ _beating_ _heart_ _and_ _weak_ _knees_ _,_ _the_ _silhouette_ _turns_ _around_ _._

 _At_ _that_ _moment_ _I_ _realise_ _that_ _I_ _should_ _have_ _noticed_ _way sooner_ _that_ _this_ _wasn't_ _Patrick_ _._ _This_ _figure_ _is_ _taller_ _,_ _his_ _limbs_ _thinner_ _,_ _more_ _elegant_ _._

 _As_ _he_ _turns_ _around_ _to_ _face_ _me_ _,_ _his_ _movement_ _is_ _almost_ _graceful_ _and_ _I_ _notice_ _that_ _his_ _skin_ _is_ _pale_ _,_ _like_ _ice_ _. He_ _is_ _standing_ _exactly_ _in_ _that_ _small_ _ray_ _of_ _moonlight_ _,_ _but_ _it's_ _like_ _he_ _is_ _blending_ _in_ _._ _Like_ _he_ _is_ _becoming_ _the_ _moonlight_ _instead_ _of_ _blocking_ _it_ _._

 _His_ _fingers_ _are_ _thin_ _and_ _long_ _,_ _without_ _scars_ _on_ _it_ _,_ _but_ _as_ _I_ _see_ _them_ _I_ _know_ _that_ _those_ _hands_ _have_ _had_ _more_ _blood_ _on_ _them_ _than_ _I_ _will_ _ever_ _have_ _in_ _my_ _entire_ _life_ _._

 _Then_ _my_ _gaze_ _moves_ _up_ _to_ _his_ _face_ _._ _He_ _is_ _approximately_ _half_ _a_ _foot_ _taller_ _than_ _me_ _so_ _I_ _have_ _to_ _look_ _up_ _to_ _look_ _him_ _in_ _the_ _eye_ _._

 _His_ _face_ _is_ _delicately formed_ _,_ _with_ _sharp_ _cheekbones_ _and_ _an_ _even_ _sharper_ _jawline_ _._ _All_ _of_ _his_ _features_ _are_ _angular_ _,_ _but_ _soft_ _at_ _the_ _same_ _time_ _which_ _gives_ _him_ _a_ _misplaced_ _impression_ _of_ _innocence_ _._

 _His_ _eyes_ _seem_ _to_ _switch_ _colour_ _._ _At_ _one_ _moment_ _I_ _think_ _they're_ _green_ _,_ _but_ _as_ _soon_ _as_ _he_ _blinks_ _,_ _I_ _am_ _almost_ _sure_ _they're_ _blue_ _._ _They_ _are_ _cold_ _,_ _without_ _any_ _love_ _inside_ _of_ _them_ _._ _Or_ _maybe_ _there_ _was_ _once_ _love_ _in_ _them_ _,_ _he_ _has_ _just_ _lost_ _it_ _._

 _They_ _pierce_ _right_ _through_ _me_ _,_ _making_ _me_ _shrink_ _under_ _his_ _stare_ _._ _His_ _thin_ _lips_ _form_ _themselves_ _into_ _a_ _smile_ _,_ _an_ _unusual_ _expression_ _in_ _that_ _emotionless_ _face_ _,_ _giving_ _his_ _face_ _a weird sort_ _of_ _charismatic_ _glow_ _._

 _He_ _is_ _wearing_ _some_ _kind_ _of_ _suit, covered by a long coat, which almost touches the ground. If I didn't know better, I would've thought he was going to some classy party._ _His_ _hair_ _reaches_ _his_ _shoulders_ _and_ _is_ _as_ _black_ _as_ _his_ _coat_ _,_ _surrounding_ _his_ _face_ _with_ _shadows_ _._

 _"_ _Oh_ _,_ _you_ _would_ _have_ _wished_ _you_ _never_ _came_ _here_ _in the first place_ _when_ _you_ _see_ _your_ _little_ _boyfriend_ _",_ _he_ _says_ _,_ _in_ _a_ _tone_ _that_ _is_ _sending_ _shivers_ _down_ _my_ _spine_ _._

 _He_ _has_ _a_ _British_ _accent_ _and_ _if_ _it_ _wasn't_ _in_ _this_ _situation_ _,_ _I_ _would've_ _loved_ _to_ _listen_ _to_ _him_ _speak_ _._ _It_ _has_ _an_ _anarchic_ _impact_ _and_ _I_ _am_ _sure_ _that_ _everyone_ _he_ _speaks_ _to_ _,_ _will_ _obey_ _him_ _or_ _will_ _die_ _before_ _being_ _able_ _to_ _disobey_ _._

 _"_ _What-_ _what_ _do_ _you_ _mean_ _?",_ _I_ _ask_ _and_ _I_ _sound_ _ridiculously_ _meaningless_ _next_ _to_ _his_ _charismatic_ _voice_ _. "_ _What_ _have_ _you_ _done_ _to_ _him_ _?"_

 _"_ _Why_ _don't_ _you_ _see_ _it_ _yourself_ _?",_ _he_ _grins_ _and_ _takes_ _a_ _step_ _to_ _the_ _side_ _,_ _without_ _making_ _any_ _noise_ _._ _The_ _corner_ _on_ _the_ _far_ _right_ _side_ _of_ _the_ _room_ _is_ _free_ _now_ _and_ _if_ _I_ _look_ _until_ _my_ _eyes_ _hurt_ _,_ _I_ _see_ _someone_ _is_ _standing_ _there_ _._

 _The_ _person_ _takes_ _a_ _step_ _forward_ _so_ _I_ _can_ _see_ _him_ _._ _As_ _he_ _walks_ _into_ _the_ _light_ _my_ _heart_ _leaps_ _,_ _because_ _it's_ _my_ _Patrick_ _._ _Except_ _it's_ _not_ _..._

 _His_ _eyes_ _have_ _turned_ _a_ _shade_ _of_ _green-ish_ _yellow, like a cat. They are reflecting every light that reaches them and are glazed over with a blue glow, making them emotionless and giving the impression that Patrick has dead holes in his face instead of actual eyes._

_Patrick takes a threatening step forward, his eyebrows curving into a frown. He turns his head towards the man leaning against the wall, whose presence I had almost forgotten._

_"Master?", he asks, looking up to him with his eyes whidening in an almost child-like expression._

_"Not yet", the man answers with a sly smile, apparently understanding what Patrick meant. I sure didn't, but I felt a ball of rage growing in my stomach along with the need to punch that person in the face._

_"What have you done to him?", I scream, but I know it's useless. This man will let me scream until my lungs collapse and it will not change anything. At this moment though, my brain becomes numb and the only thing I want is to hurt that person, to hurt him as bad as he is hurting me now._

_"He is the perfect subject", the man just says. "He is the first, and many will follow until no one can stop them. Soon, everything you know will be mine..."_

_I run towards him, ready to attack but he just freezes. I should be thinking how suspicious it is that he is standing motionless instead of trying to defend himself, but it is too late._

_I fall right through him, crashing against the wall, and I turn just fast enough to see his appearance fade, like a ghost, before my vision gets blurry for a moment._

_I hear a laugh close to my ear, what scares me so much that I try to run away but fall, crashing against the wall again. As I look up I see some kind of scepter being pushed against my throat._

_"Isn't this your worst nightmare?", the man asks, holding the scepter. "Seeing your dear friend being led towards_ _a_ _horrible destiny, and not being able to save him?"._

_I nod, horrified by how heartless a person can be. The man bows down to me so his face is directly across from mine._

_"Then wake up..."_


	14. 14 - Just Call Me A Fallen Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a concerning conversation with who appears to be another otherwordly being, Pete is sure he has to go to Earth. Sadly, his friends are not so enthusiastic.

**Pete's POV**

I wake up with my heart beating against my ribs so wildly it almost hurts. I sit straight up, breathing heavily, and look around, just to realize that I am in my room. Somebody must have turned off the light because it's so dark that I can barely see anything.

The image of that pale, black-haired man is still dancing in front of my eyes and the feeling that something is horrifyingly wrong just won't leave me alone. How can someone from my dreams know that I have to wake up? It's _my_ dream! I can decide if I want to wake or not.

That creeping sense is growing stronger and I just can't stay in bed. I _need_ to know if Patrick is okay. I know that it sounds ridiculous to call -well, mind call- someone because you saw them in a nightmare but I just can't risk anything. Since angels are real, why wouldn't demons be real too?

_Patrick?_

No answer, and my heart feels like it can explode at any moment. I say it again, louder this time. Not too loud, because I know it hurts extremely bad if I scream inside his head, I've experienced it myself.

_Patrick?_

Silence, and my breath has changed into fast gasps that I can barely keep silent. I bite my lip, knowing that the whole corridor will wake up if I can't control my completely unnecessary fear.

_Pete...!_

I gasp for air because of the shot of pain that rushed through my brain after the volume of that word. My heart feels like it's beating even faster than it already was, which I didn't think was possible.

 _Patrick_ _!_ _Yes_ _!_ _Oh_ _my_ _God_ _..._ _Are-_ _are_ _you_ _okay_ _?_

The silence is almost deafening as I wait for a response and I need to turn on the light because I get the feeling that the darkness is going to swallow me.

 _Yes_ _..._ _Yes_ _,_ _I_ _am_ _okay_ _._ _Don't_ _worry_ _and_ _don't_ _ask_ _more_ _._ _Please_ _..._

The last word sounds so desperate that all of a sudden tears start to well up in my eyes. My boyfriend is not okay. He's far from okay.

 _Patrick_ _,_ _what_ _is_ _going_ _on_ _?_ _What_ _is_ _happening_ _to_ _you_ _?_ _I_ _had_ _this_ _dream_ _and_ _..._

Despite Patrick's order to not ask any more questions, I can't stop talking. My mind seems to be overflowing with all the horrible images from my dream which seems so real at this moment that it is sending chills down my spine.

 _Didn't_ _I_ _tell_ _you_ _to_ _stop_ _asking_ _questions_ _?_

I hear the answer in my head, but it is not the voice I hoped to hear. It is the voice that makes the images of a pale face, a long coat and a scepter pushed against my throat, come back to life.

It is the voice of the man from my dream, and at that point I realise that this wasn't a dream. It was a vision.

 _What_ _have_ _you_ _done_ _to_ _Patrick_ _!_ _If_ _you_ _even_ _touch_ _him_ _with_ _one_ _finger,_ _I_ _swear_ _I_ _will-_

I hear a soft squirm in my head, which reminds me that even though the man has somehow possessed Patrick's brain, it is still his mind and he can feel the pain rushing through.

 _Oh_ _,_ _I_ _will_ _not_ _hurt_ _him_ _._ _After_ _he_ _knows_ _what_ _I'm_ _going_ _to_ _do_ _to_ _him_ _,_ _he_ _will_ _wish_ _that_ _I_ _was_ _going_ _to_ _hurt_ _him_ _..._

My whole body becomes cold and I feel paralysed. All my nerves have gone numb and a red blur is dancing in front of my eyes.

 _Who_ _are_ _you_ _...?_

That is the only sentence coming up in my brain. I know it sounds pointless, but I need someone to blame for the torture that my Patrick is going through right now.

 _Just_ _call_ _me_ _a_ _fallen_ _angel_ _._

I know that this is the last thing he will say to me and I bury my head in my hands. I've never felt as hopeless as this in my whole life and afterlife.

I need to do something, but I can't fight this person -or whatever he is- alone. I need help. And I have to get down to earth in the first place and I don't even know if that is possible.

Then an idea pops up in my head. I jump up and run all the way through the corridor until I am standing in the entrance hall. I try to remember where Dan told me to go and after about five minutes of thinking, my brain goes in a fuck it-mode and I run in a random direction.

Apparently luck is on my side, because I stumble across one corridor I recognise. I walk to the end of it and take a peek around the corner.

There I see Dan and Phil, sleeping peacefully, their hands almost touching. It hurts me that I need to wake them up at this moment but I think this situation is slightly more important than their romance.

"Guys!", I shout, just loud enough to wake them up, but not too loud because then everyone else will be awake. I push Dan against his shoulder and poke Phil between his ribs.

"Five more minutes..." Dan mutters. The poor guy thinks he needs to go to school or something.

"No, you idiot. This is serious!". I am not in the mood to be friendly. Something needs to happen, and it needs to happen as fast as possible.

"Pete?", Phil is sitting straight up. He gently tries to shake Dan awake but after he realises it is hopeless, he sighs.

"Dan!", he shouts in his ear, so loud that it makes my eardrums shake.

Dan is standing straight up in less than a second. He looks terrified and his eyes are wide open. Disorientated he looks around until he sees me.

"P- Pete...", he laughs shakily. "You scared me, mate. I thought-"

"What is wrong?", Phil rudely interrupts him, looking at me with a serious glance.

"We need to get to earth. Now".


	15. 15 - If Heaven Exists, What About Hell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an attempt to get to the land of the living, Pete tries to reason with an archangel who doesn't seem too excited about these boys planning to fight one of the darkest forces that has ever existed.

**Pete's POV**

"Guys, I swear I'm not joking", I explain for about the 20th time to Dan and Phil, who just don't seem to get it. I sigh and anger with the slightest hint of desperation starts to well up in my stomach and a whimper escapes my lips. I turn to face Dan.

"Listen", I say. "If you knew Phil was in terrible danger, he could die, what would you do? Would you choose to watch him die or would you use every cell in your body to help him?"

I see Dan bite his lip and I continue. "My Patrick's life can end at any moment and I swear that I will give anything to prevent that. But I need your help, I can't fight this alone".

"What do you mean with 'this'?", Phil asks. "You are saying Patrick is in danger, but who put him there?".

"He said that he was a fallen angel...", I mumble vaguely. "He...". I look up at Phil. "If Heaven exists, what about Hell?"

"I- eh...", Phil is clearly blown away by that random question. "Nobody has proof, but there are many legends, about how God casted Lucifer out and gave him Hell, to lure in the damned souls who died in a sinful way".

He is silent for a few seconds. "But come on, that can't be true, right?", he asks with a nervous laugh.

I shake my head and close my eyes. This is just too much. My boyfriend has been kidnapped by Satan? And I thought being an Angel was the weirdest thing that could happen. But it doesn't mean that I have changed my mind.

"So, are you going to help or what?", I say, looking up again.

Dan and Phil look at eachother and I can almost see their brainwaves align. They nod at the same time and turn to me.

"We are", they say simultaneously and I can't help but smile. I know that my speech to Dan worked and I know that he wouldn't hestitate if Phil would be in danger. I give him a small nod and he smirks back.

"So, now comes the second part of my plan", I break the silence. "How do we get to earth?".

"Only Archangels can do that", Dan answers. "They have a special code you have to say if you want to use the portal".

"And do we have any chance of getting that code?", I ask and I already feel like I know what the answer is going to be.

"Well, we do know one Archangel but...", Dan bites his lip.

"But what?", I try to push him. I am already more excited than I was.

"He is not what you would call... approachable..."

"I don't give a fuck. I need to see him. Where can I find him?", I say determined.

"He is probably at the lakeside but please, be careful. You shouldn't mess with this dude", Dan says a little scared. "His name is Andy, by the way. Andy Biersack.

Within two minutes I have reached the lakeside, Dan and Phil following me on a safe distance. I see a dark figure walking alongside the lake, looking restless. I take a deep breath and walk towards him.

"Hey, ehm... Are you Andy Biersack?", I ask more awkwardly than I planned. The figure turns around to face me and his blue eyes startle me. He has black hair, which doesn't suit his piercing eyes and he's a lot taller than me.

"What do you want from me?", he asks with a low voice which I didn't expect from him. I now understand why Dan called him unapproachable. Against all odds, I'm not scared. I feel nothing but the need to save Patrick, no matter how.

"I need your help. Me and my friends need to get to earth". I raise my hand before he interrupts. "I know this sounds stupid but I have a good reason. My b- good friend is being held against his will by some unknown man and he can die any moment. I need to save him or else I will not be able to live with myself anymore..."

Andy seems to be analyzing the words I just spat out. He nods his head slowly and looks down at me, making me feel ridiculously small.

"I don't even know your name and you are expecting me to give you the ability to go to earth?", he asks sarcastically.

"I'm Pete", I say shortly, making him laugh.

"You're a weird dude, Pete, but I like you. I will help you, but there is one condition. You will let me come with you". 

I don't need to think about that for long. Such a tall, intimidating guy can be quite handy in our fight, since Dan, Phil and I just look like enormous nerds. I agree and Andy leads us to the portal.

I don't understand why it's so hard to leave, it's just a hole with a trapdoor to hide it, but soon I realize why. The door is locked and Andy starts mumbling in some foreign language, which I assume is Latin.

_Atque pugnarent et mundabor sit nomen Domini benedictum_

The lock of the trapdoor starts to glow and without any noise it opens, leaving the hole to earth unexposed. Nerves start to creep up on me but I refuse to think of anything else than Patrick. Andy looks at us.

"Ready?", he asks in his deep voice. We all nod and step over the edge, leaving the safety of Heaven behind and accepting the approaching adventure.

My first thought about the portal is that it feels like being inside a tornade, but less frightening and covered in colours. I can feel wind and clouds all around me but it doesn't scare me. I am completely calm, like I am already used to this feeling, and in what feels like the blink of an eye we have landed.

My landing is calm and controlled, rolling further as I touch the ground. For Dan and Phil it looks less comfortable. I see them struggle to get up and trying to get the sand of their clothes. 

I look forward and see that we are standing in front of a house. A house I recognize better than my own. It's Patrick's house, and this makes me hate my unknown enemy even more.

He caught Patrick in the place he loves the most and he shall pay for that. I bite my lip and turn around.

"Don't be scared yet", I say looking at my companions. "It has only just begun".


	16. 16 - For Patrick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dark figure in Pete's dreams appears to be even darker than anyone had ever dreamt and just as Pete thought he finally had the love of his life back, he now might never see him again.

**Pete's POV**

I walk forward towards the door of Patrick's house. My heart is fluttering against my ribcage but I am trying my very best to ignore it. I have to do this.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up. Next to me I see Andy. He almost looks like an older brother at me. I can see his expression softening as he sees the fear in my eyes.

"I will make sure that guy won't hurt you, okay?", he says.

"I don't care if he hurts me", I answer, shaking my head. "But if he hurts Patrick, I swear I will break his neck and enjoy doing it". I bite my lip and walk again.

I reach out my hand and with the slightest touch, I open the door. Without any noise, the door opens and a jet black corridor is lying in front of us.

I know the way here as if it was my own house so I immediately step inside. Phil holds me back, looking a bit stressed.

"How do you know that guy didn't set up any traps? He can talk through Patrick's head, who knows what other things he can do", he says, watching over his shoulder as if he thinks somebody might be eavesdropping.

I nod and take one quick step inside and then jump backwards. Nothing happens and we're left alone with the sound of our beating hearts. That is when I risk it.

I take three full steps into the corridor and look around. For ten seconds I am standing there and I decide that if he wanted to send flying knives into my back, he would've done it by now.

"It's okay, you can come in", I semi-shout to my friends. They all follow me carefully, still afraid of what might happen.

I decide that they must be in the basement, because that is the only place that looks as abandoned as the place I saw in my dream. I even remember a blocked window , covered with planks. It must be there.

We used to sneak inside through that window, Patrick and I, after we went outside past bedtime. Patrick's parents caught us one time and since then the window is blocked. I sigh at the memory of those good times.

"Come on, we have to go", Dan whispers as he sees me hesitate. "You can't turn back now. You've come so far. The day you entered Heaven, you were a lost boy, the patterns of tears still on your cheeks and look at you now. Willing to sacrifice everything you have for your boyfriend's life. If that isn't a dramatic change, I don't know what is".

I smile and am suprised once again at how this guy always manages to make the mood lighter. I walk forward again and stop at the beginning of the couple of stairs that lead to the basement.

My hands are sweating and my knees are shaking but I know that I have to be strong. Not for me, for them. For Patrick.

"Come on", I fake a laugh to the others and start to go down the stairs. Andy is following close behind me, almost like a bodyguard and Dan and Phil are walking behind him, holding eachother tightly. It's clear Dan isn't as confident as he appears to be.

We have reached the end of the stairs and my hand is trembling so much that I almost can't open the door I'm standing in front of. I take a deep breath and bite my lip while reaching for the handle as the door opens by itself.

It scares me so much that I jump backwards, making Andy almost fall since he clearly doesn't know the concept of personal space.

I giggle nervously, struggling to get up and hitting Andy in the face while doing that. Dan and Phil are looking like they could cry at any moment and Andy looks like he is just extremely regretting this.

As my heart has stopped beating uncontrollably, I step over the doorstep, just like in my dream. I notice that the others wait, as if they know that this is almost personal.

"I'm surprised it took you so long", a voice from the shadows says and the rhythm of my heart is messed up again. It's him. He has been waiting for me.

"I have come to save Patrick", I say. "You can give him to me, or go down fighting".

A chuckle comes from the darkness and there he is. Even more terrifying than in my dream, and more intimidating than ever. All my hope to survive fades and I take a step back.

"You haven't given up yet", he says. "I'm impressed. But you must not forget that I am powerful and you are just a boy. How could you ever defeat me?"

"By getting help", I hear Andy's voice behind me. Apparently the others have decided now is the time to come in and I have never been happier with their presence. Sadly, it doesn't affect the other person one bit.

"Oh, dear. Adonael, you must be truly desperate, that you've used this boy to get to Earth? Are you that pathetic?" And these ones. Only children". He looks at Dan and Phil and then turns to me.

"What makes you think it was useful to come to earth? How do you know, this wasn't all for nothing?". I can almost see the malice sparkling in his light blue eyes.

"I- I would've know if he was dead", I try to convince myself. "I would've felt it. Just like he felt it with me".

"There are things much worse than death, my young angel. I wasn't planning on killing him any time soon".

I bite my lip to stop tears from falling down my cheek. I knew this was going to happen, I should've realized it. And how can one man be so heartless? Only the-

"You're not a fallen angel", Dan says in sudden realization just as I think of it. "You're the Devil".

"But even the Devil was once a fallen angel". He doesn't deny it, and when I thought our chances were at their worst, I begin to doubt it


	17. 17 - Into The Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although Pete's found out more than he wanted about Lucifer, his battle has only just begun. After he gets overpowerd by the Devil he does a horrifying find aobut Patrick.

**Pete's POV**

I try to hold back Dan, who looks like he is about to rip Lucifer's throat out with his teeth. I have never seen him this furious.

"What are you planning to do? What has led you to this?", I ask in an attempt to distract Dan from all his killer thoughts, and because I actually want to know what led Lucifer to doing this.

"You actually expect me to tell my tragic backstory?" Lucifer says sceptically. "I'm sorry, but I know enough about the world to know that that won't make anything better. For me at least.

Oh, and eventually you will get enough of that privilege when I'm done with all of you. Then you can hear as much from me as you want".

"Tell me what you are going to do with him! With all of us!", I shout. I am sick of all his sarcastic humor and demand real answers.

"I might as well do it now", Lucifer sighs and I actually get a little bit of hope that he is going to tell us, until he moves his hand and I get knocked against the ground. Patrick is on top of me and his hands are around my throat.

"Patrick!", I squeak. "You don't have to do this!". I know that none of this will work and black spots are dancing in front of my eyes. As I turn my neck a slight bit, I see that Dan and Phil are already unconscious and Lucifer is just hitting Andy so hard on the head with his scepter that he nearly bashes his skull in.

"I do", Patrick grunts. "It is my mission". I see his arm move backwards and attempt to beg for mercy but before any words have come out, his fist hits me against my forehead and I fall into an abyss of pain and darkness.

-

As I open my eyes, I see nothing but stars and little flashes of light dancing in front of them. I blink a few times until the flashing has stopped and look around. I am tied to a chair with my ankles and I'm put inside a straitjacket so I can't move my body.

The room I'm sitting in looks small, and a red carpet is leading to my chair, almost like I'm the main attraction of some sort of show. The only windows the room has are blocked of with a kind of paper that makes the light coming through look chemical.

I try to move my body only the slightest bit, but I can only rock back and forth in my chair. There is no possibility of escaping, and panic starts to well up in my throat.

I'm moving my upper body faster and faster, and can't stop hyperventilating. In a moment of pure desperation, I let out of a scream. Not of sadness or pain, like I've done so many times, but of fear.

The tears are streaming from my eyes and over my cheeks and my breathing is nothing but short gasps.

Then, in one split second, my mind becomes clear. This is exactly what Lucifer wants. He wants people to show their weakest side and destroy them based on that.

But I'm not going to let him do that. I need to calm down. I need to find a solution. I will get out of this. And I will save the others.

-

**Patrick's POV**

I am tied to a large wooden chair with rough, leather bands. They are stripped down so tightly that I can barely move besides for my upper body.

As I turn my head around, I see that I am in some sort of chapel. The windows behind me are made of stained glass, giving the whole room a sense of colour.

In front of me are benches who look similar to the benches placed in a church.

On my right and behind me I can see weird electronic things from which I have no idea what they do. On my left is a shape which seems like a piano, with candles placed on top of it.

I am placed directly at the end of the aisle, giving me the sensation that anybody could come in at any moment and come torture me some more. As if He hasn't done it enough.

He... I can't even say his name, that's how scared I am of him. He has put everything personal in my mind on standby and took over control. I never want to feel that ever again.

The fear is becoming too much and I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Then I scream. I scream like I've never screamed before.

_"Pete!!"_

My throat hurts afterwards and there are tears in my eyes but I know I have tried everything to get him to hear me.

**Pete's POV**

I can hear his voice. Even though he is separated from me by all those walls and unknown amounts of corridors, I can hear him. And he makes my heart flutter like nobody else can.

And then to imagine for one second I thought we weren't meant to be.

I bite my lip to prevent myself from crying again and blink a few times to hold back the tears.

"Patrick...". At first it's just a soft whimper but I force myself to control my emotions.

_"Patrick!!"_

The scream I let out must be as loud as his scream, if not louder. My body is shaking and I lean as far forward as my straitjacket allows me to.

I know that someone heard us and is probably on their way to us but I don't care. Maybe I can get an opportunity to escape then.

And I was right. A boy about as old as I am walks up to me with the same blue glow over his eyes as I had seen by Patrick.

He stops right in front of me and a small part of me hopes he will help me escape but his hand collides with my head and I see stars.

"I know how you can escape", I say in a last attempt to gain my freedom. "I- I can help you. You just have to help me. I know what you feel... I will help you get your revenge"

The glow in the boy's eyes seems to get darker and he shakes his head, as if he tries to escape my words. He leans forward, about to help me get out my straitjacket and then jumps back.

"My master... He will kill me...", he whispers with tears streaming over his cheeks.

"If you help me, I will make sure he won't hurt you. Ever". I use every bit of my brain to find exactly the right words to convince this guy.

With shaking hands he unties my ropes and unzips my straitjacket. As I am standing up, he looks at me like a lost puppy. I smile at him.

"Thank you. I-" Suddenly he falls down at my feet. Dead. There is blood coming from his neck. As I look down, I see there is some sort of digital tracker there.

Lucifer can kill people he doesn't even look at. This man is even more dangerous than I thought.

I wait for a minute to remember the unknown boy and then start running. It won't be long until they find out and they might already know.

So I run, into the darkness with no idea what lies in front of me. Later, I would've wished I had never escaped that small room.


	18. 18 - Pete Wentz, My Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an attempt to escape from Lucifer's madness Pete tries to run away. From Patrick's point of view you get an idea of what Lucifer is planning to do.

**Pete's POV**

I feel like those corridors never stop. They all look the same and I have no idea how long I have been running by now.

After about 30 seconds after I escaped, an alarm started going off and all the light went red. I know it's only a matter of time until I get caught.

I slip on something and fall on my back, pushing the air out of my lungs. I breathe heavily for a couple seconds and then stand up again, going the first left I see.

Luck is on my side -or maybe it isn't- as I see my Patrick sitting there, moving from side to side with his eyes closed. It looks like he's out of breath. He is looking down so I can't see his face.

"Patrick!", I shout. "Patrick, we have to get out of here!" I shake his shoulder to get his attention but jump backwards as he suddenly moves his head upwards. The sight makes my blood freeze in my veins.

At first I try to blame it on the light, or maybe the exhaustion, but that is impossible and I can't deny that Patrick's eyes are bright yellow -like a cat- and are glazed over with an icy blue glow. If this is a nightmare, I want to wake up now. But this is too terrifying, even for a nightmare.

"Patrick...", I say and my voice cracks. Patrick just grunts like he is in pain and mumbles something. I carefully take a step closer and he says it again, louder this time.

"Get away from me...", he groans with a much lower voice than his normal one. It sends shivers down my spine and I lay a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him, to show him that _it's just me..._

"Get away from me!", he shouts now, making me jump. "I swear, I will kill you if my master will set me free!". Tears appear in my eyes as I realize what Lucifer has done.

He has posessed Patrick's brain and put thoughts in his head that make him want to kill me. I'm a monster in his eyes and Lucifer knows that he won't only kill me by doing that, he will destroy me from the inside.

"Patrick... Please...", I whisper, but I know it doesn't matter. I have to go, I have to look for my friends and they will help me with this. I can't do this alone. Tears are streaming down my cheeks now and my vision becomes blurry.

"I'm sorry...". Then I start to run again. I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm ever coming Home again.

**Patrick's POV**

I pushed the Angel away, like I had to.

Master thinks I did right.

I can hear him talking in my mind.

_Patrick, do you know what you have to do?_

Yes, I know that.

I must kill him.

I have to say it now.

But I don't want to.

That feeling inside is fighting back.

I won't let it win.

I have to obey my master.

Say it, now.

"I... must... kill... Pete Wentz..."

_That is right. And then?_

Then? Yes, master told me that.

"Then I will find his friends...

They will take me to Heaven.

And I will destroy that".

_Indeed. And have no mercy._

"I will not, master. I won't keep one Angel alive".

_Fantastic. Finally, I won't be the one in the shadows._

I don't understand what my master meant by that.

It is not meant for me.

I have to focus on my mission now.

Pete Wentz.

My mission...

**Pete's POV**

How long have I been running now? I don't know. These corridors are endless and it feels like I'm just going in circles. Hope is leaving my heart and I feel desperation creeping up on me.

I have to fight it. I have to save my friends. But Patrick... I thought I had him back, only to see that he wasn't actually there. I lost him again while I just had him again. Maybe we just aren't meant for eachother...

No, I can't think that. We can help him. I know it. This isn't the end. It just can't be. I haven't fought so hard for it to end here. And I will keep fighting until they have to drag my dead body away.

Without noticing I have walked into a smaller corridor which ends in a door. I soflty push against it and to my suprise, it opens. I walk through it and I get such a burst of relief that it feels like I'm going to collapse.

There, tied to one single pole in the middle of the room, are Dan, Phil and Andy. All alive and unharmed.

I run towards them and nearly crash to the floor to help them untie the rope around their wrists. They all look a little startled but then start to smile.

"Pete! What happened to you, man!", Andy says suprised, looking at me. 

"That's a long fucking story", I smirk. "Just wait until you're free again and then we get out of here. Then we all have time to tell our stories.

They all nod and I untie their ropes. As soon as they're free, they stand up and give me the biggest group-hug I've ever had. I'm a bit blown away but smile.

"What was that for?", I ask when they finally let go of me.

"We're just really fucking happy you're alive", Dan says. "We were worried sick about you".

Those words make me warm inside, and I realize that it doesn't matter how I'm stuck in this black hole that has made itself my life now, I will never be alone. I will have these people next to me. And with eachother, we can be alone together.


	19. 19 - He Will Always Be My Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a breathtaking escape Andy finally comes clear about his relation with Lucifer. And it's more harrowing that anyone thought it would be.

**Pete's** **POV**

"Come on, we have to go!", I say but Andy stops me. I turn around with a confused expression and look at him. He looks at me like I'm a little brother who just made an incredibly stupid mistake which only little boys make.

"Do you even know where we have to go?", he sighs like he already knows the answer.

"Well... Um- I don't... Really...", I whisper and my face turns red. "But I don't care. We have to find our way out before some of those blue-eyed zombies find us".

"He's got a point there, dude", Dan says while he looks at Andy. "We've seen those creeps and the only reason they didn't kill us is because Lucifer told them so".

I see Andy shrink when Dan says the name of the Devil. "Don't... Don't say that name again", he whispers. "Please". He then looks up again, strong as always.

"Fine. Let's go", he mumbles and starts to walk, not even looking back to see if we're following. We look at eachother with a confused expression, shrug and start to follow him.

I notice that Andy isn't running at all. He doesn't look like he's in a hurry, but seems to show some confidence that would make me run away if I would see him right now.

We follow in silence and haven't come across one living creature as we reach a door. Andy stops in front of it and gives it a small push. To our suprise, it opens without any trouble. We give a short glance at eachother and walk out.

We're standing outside what seems like an abandoned building, but we know better. There are woods almost all around us but there isn't enough time to examine the surroundings. Andy starts to run and we follow him without questioning it.

He only stops when we're at least 3 miles away from that horrifying place. It looks like we're in the middle of the woods but I can hear the sound of cars in the distance, so we can't be too far from a road.

Me, Dan and Phil are completely out of breath while Andy looks like we didn't just run 3 miles through the forest. I sit down with my back against a tree and bury my head in my hands. A human being can only take so much and it's all too much for me now.

I thought I had my loved one back, only to get him taken away from me again. And he doesn't even recognize me. I am a monster in his eyes, he wants me dead. And the worst thing is, I can't even die. I'm already dead.

I refuse to cry and take a deep breath, trying to clear my mind. I look up at my friends who are standing there quite awkwardly.

"So, now you have to tell your side of the story and then I'll tell mine", I say. They all nod and Dan opens his mouth to begin.

"I don't remember much of the fight, because me and Phil got knocked out really fast. I don't know what it was, we just felt something hit our head and we were unconscious.

When we woke up, we were tied to that pole and we couldn't see anything because of the complete darkness in the room.

I think we've been sitting there for two hours until you came to save us".

"T- that's it?", I ask, a bit disappointed. Dan nods and I bite my lip, ready to tell my story.

I tell them everything, about how Patrick knocked me out, telling me I was his mission, about how I woke up in that straitjacket, about the boy that saved me and then died in front of my eyes.

About how I escaped and ran through those corridors for what seemed like hours, until I found Patrick.

About how he didn't recognise me, and about how he would kill me if he got the chance...

I stop talking and look down, tears welling up in my eyes as Andy says something.

"You haven't heard my side of the story yet", he says with his low voice.

"But you were with us the entire time?", Dan says confusedly. Andy shakes his head.

"No, not that story. This is about before this. About before I even met you. I knew Lucifer. He was one of my best friends...". Everyone wanted to ask questions but we didn't, letting him talk.

"My real name is Adonael, but I changed it after he fell... It reminded me of him and I couldn't handle it.

He wasn't a bad person. Not at all. It was just that he was always in the shadow of his brother... God. He was the ruler of Heaven and Lucifer could do nothing but watch how everyone loved his brother and forgot about him.

It became too much for him and he did something horrible. I tried my best to stop him from doing it but he wasn't someone you just stop.

He pretended he died just so God would go looking for him and when God was gone, Lucifer killed all of the guards and left. God came back to see that a massacre had happened.

I was asked questions and even though I knew it was horrible to betray my best friend, he had to be punished. Little did I know he would be banished from heaven!

They found Lucifer and cast him out, taking his wings and with that all of his status. I will never forget how he looked at me before he fell... Everything he does now... It's my fault..."

"No, it's not", Dan says. "He's a sick psycho and-"

"Don't you dare say that again", Andy interrupts him. "He might do the wrong things now but he will always be my friend. Would you sat those things about Phil?"

Dan looks down and shakes his head, clearly ashamed of what he just said.

"So... What are we gonna do now?", Phil asks.

"We have to get Patrick out of that building, which I think won't be too hard because I'm almost sure Lucifer will send him after us", I reply

"Then we should be prepared, shouldn't we?", Andy says casually.

I nod and I know that this won't be just a battle to get Patrick back. We are about to start a war between Hell and Heaven...


	20. 20 - I'm Gonna Get Through It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though Lucifer has possessed Patrick's mind and infected his thoughts, Patrick still manages to see through the hurt and the pain, and with the help of a new friend he finds there is still hope.

**Patrick's POV**

I'm trying to fight back... I really am. But I can't. He's inside my head and he's too strong. He's taking over my brain and the moments I'm actually sane are starting to become less. 

I don't want to do this. If I do it, I will destroy an entire race. I can't. What have I ever done to deserve this? I know it, if I had never abandoned Pete, this would not have happened and we would be sitting in my house, happily.

I can feel him pushing against the insides of my skull. I know I will lose myself again soon. I can't give in. I can't show him my weaker side. But I just...

"No... Please...", I whimper.

_Are you already giving up, Patrick? And I thougt you were so strong, that you would always keep fighting. For your poor little angel boyfriend._

_But you rejected him. You told him you would kill him. And he's probably far away now. And you know what? He will never..._ _**Never** _ _come back._

"No!", I shout, with tears streaming from my eyes. I can't stop hearing his voice. He has fought his way into the deepest parts of my mind.

Then I remember something. Something else that was able to fill my mind like that. Something good.

"Things aren't the same anymore. Some nights it gets so bad, I almost pick up the phone...", I sing.

"Trade baby blues for wide-eyed browns. I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes, I know it's strange. It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you.

I'm supposed to love you..."

I can already feel my head being filled with the well-known tunes of the song and there's that little spark in my heart. That little spark that would only appear when I would sing or look at Pete.

Lucifer's voice is fading away and I keep singing until he is entirely gone. Only then I open my eyes and accept the fact that I can actually shut him out. I can escape this way!

I move around and try to make the leather bands that are tied around my chest and arms a little less tight, without any result.

After I've been doing that for about half an hour, one of Lucifer's blue-eyed slaves walks in. It's a young girl -almost younger than I am- with curly, red hair. She seems like she's Irish.

"You have to come with me", she says in an emotionless voice. "You'll be set free..."

Before I can protest, she unties my ropes and puts a hood over my head so I can't see anything.

I try to fight back but she pushes a syringe into my arm and the world becomes numb. I feel the waves of darkness surrounding me. My head hits the floor and then there's nothing.

-

_Good luck, Patrick. Don't forget what I told you. You're not done yet..._

I shoot awake and my head hits something spiky. I curse and open my eyes, realising I am lying underneath some kind of bush.

I roll over so the branches are out of my face. Only then I am able to look around. The fresh air of nature is filling my lungs and I breathe in happily.

All around me are trees but I can hear the familiar noise of cars in the distance. The sunlight is shining through the trees, giving the world a green glow.

It's so peaceful that I almost forget why I'm here and what happened to me. Here I'm safe, noting can happen to me if I just stay here.

No, I can't do that. I know why I'm here. Lucifer set me free but he isn't done with me yet. I have to be prepared for everything. And more importantly, I have to look for Pete.

Lucifer told me I pushed him away. That he would never come back. But that won't happen, right? Pete wouldn't give up on me. Like I gave up on him...

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and I stand up, deciding to walk into the direction of the road. Maybe I can find help there.

I start walking and don't stop until the trees are starting to stand further away from each other and I can see the road at the horizon.

Then I look back and see how far I'm away from the place I woke up. But even though I've come this far, I will never escape him. He will always find me. He's in my mind. He is me...

I keep walking again and the sun starts to go down. Just as the sun has reached its lowest point on the horizon and the world is bathing in a beautiful orange light, I reach the road.

The moment I arrive, a car drives past and I wave like crazy, attempting to get the attention of the person driving it and I succeed. The person stops and hangs out of the window.

It's a man, about ten years older than I am, with curly, dark-blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He nods at me.

"What are you doing here on your own at this time, kid?", he asks. I blush since I must look younger because of my height. I don't like being called kid.

"I- I uh... I was lost", I say awkwardly. "And by the way, I'm not a kid. I can't be much younger than you are. And I need a ride..."

"Fine, dude", the man says. "I'm Dan Reynolds. Where do you want to go?"

"I'm Patrick Stump", I say. "I don't really care where I'm going. I just need to get away from here. Okay?"

"In what kind of trouble are you, dude?", Dan laughs. I shake my head and look away.

"Not the kind of trouble I want to talk about. Just... Can I come with you or not?", I say.

"Sure, get in", Dan opens the door of the car and I sit down next to him. It's a red pick-up truck which looks like it could collapse at any moment but it's better than nothing. In fact, it's great.

Dan starts the engine and I look out of the window. As we drive, I keep staring at the landscape we drive past. 

"Hey, buddy", Dan pats my shoulder. "It's gonna be okay. I don't know what the hell you've been through but it's gonna be okay. You're gonna get through it".

I nod and smile at him. It's been a while since I've felt like somebody cared about me and nothing has ever made me happier than that small sentence.

I'm gonna get through it.


	21. 21 - My Heaven Is Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Pete and his friends get picked up by a mysterious driver, it triggers a series of events that will change their lives.

**Pete's POV**

I thought we'd never reach the road but after more than three hours, when the sun has almost sunken under the horizon, we're out of the woods.

We don't see any car driving past so we decide to just walk along the road, trying to see any sign that there are actually other human beings besides us. We can't be alone in this area.

But after walking for another two hours, we are losing hope. It is entirely dark now and the only light is coming from the stars shining above us.

I think of those stars. They are the same as the night I saw them on the roof of the hotel. When they were as bright as the lights of the cars driving underneath me.

And I think of Patrick. Who may be looking at the same stars as I am. And maybe, just maybe, a small part of him is still thinking of me. Still hoping, still fighting...

Dan pushes me against my shoulder, making me jump. He looks excited and pulls my arm.

"Look!", he points at two lights in the distance. "A car!". He starts to jump up and down, attempting to get the attention of the driver.

The car is coming closer and I start to wave. I can't see what kind of person is driving but I know they have seen us.

The car stops beside us and I can hear an annoyed voice from behind the steering wheel.

"Jesus Christ, more of those lost idiots! Yes, yes, I will pick you up but you have to stay in the back since there is someone asleep in here. And please be quiet, he needs his sleep".

I can't see the other sitting in the front because of the darkness but we don't question anything and hop into the back of the truck.

"Just try and get some sleep", the driver says. "You can ask all your questions tomorrow".

I nod happily and curl up on my side. I see Dan and Phil cuddle up against each other and even Andy's eyelids are getting heavy.

This guy could be a psychopath and an axe murderer or worse but we don't care. It's been a while since someone has been sincerely nice.

I try to stay awake but I just can't. I'm safe now. Questions can come later. Now, the only thing I want is sleep...

-

The soft touch of rays of sunshine on my face wakes me up and it takes me a few moments to realize where I am.

I see Andy blinking confusedly as we're driving past woods with small villages in between them. Dan and Phil are still sleeping.

Then everything comes back. The mysterious man who let us come along, the unknown person sleeping beside him. The endless journey through the woods before that...

The car starts to drive slower until it has stopped completely. The driver gets out of the car and turns around to look at us.

It's a man who looks like he is about 6 years older than I am. He's a lot taller and his combination of dark-blonde, curly hair and bright blue eyes make him look a little bit intimidating.

"Did you guys sleep well?", he asks. "I'm Dan by the way, Dan Reynolds". He holds out his hand.

I shake his hand and nod. "I'm Pete Wentz. Those guys there are Dan Howell, Phil Lester and Andy Biersack".

"Pete?", Dan asks. "That other guy was mumbling about some Pete in his sleep..."

At that exact moment, the door at the side of the passenger seat opens and someone gets out. It takes a while for my brain to process what my eyes are seeing.

Patrick opens his eyes groggily but they widen as his gaze falls upon me. He takes a step towards me, as if he doesn't know what to do.

I step back, afraid of him. It shocks me that I am scared. I shouldn't be scared...

Andy has woken up too and he jumps in front of me. I push him aside, constantly making eyecontact with Patrick.

Then I realise that the eyes I am staring into eyes that are greenish blue. Not yellow, no blue glow. These are the eyes I see in my dreams. These are Patrick's eyes.

A sob escapes my throat and I run towards him. He almost gets lifted off the ground as I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him so tightly I can nearly hear his bones crack.

He buries his head in the crook between my neck and collarbone and wraps his arms around my neck. The last time he did that was when he was trying to kill me. I shake my head and put those thoughts away. Nothing can ruin this moment.

I can feel Patrick's body shaking and look up to face him with tears running down his cheeks. That breaks me. I hug him again because I feel like otherwise I will fall apart. I cry like I haven't cried in ages.

He hugs me so tight all of my broken pieces stick together. And in that moment, I am whole. I am whole again. All those moments I was broken, they don't matter anymore. He mends me. He makes me the person I am supposed to be.

"Can we stop time?", Patrick's soft voice whispers in my ear.

"Maybe if we just stay very still", I mumble. He chuckles and my body becomes warm at the sound of his laugh. I realize how much I've missed this. How much I've missed him.

Patrick then pulls away and looks me in the eye. I swear, I could melt under his gaze. I can see a glimpse of pity in his face, which then turns to sadness.

"Why?", he asks. "Why did you do it?". I can hear the heartbreak in that sentence and tears are streaming from my eyes again. I look down, not able to make eyecontact now.

"I couldn't live without you", I simply say, because it's the truth. He is my life, and when he's gone, I've got nothing to live for.

"Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, you are worth so much more than a man like me...", Patrick whispers.

"But I don't want more", I say desperately. He can't leave me now. He can't do it again... "I want _you_... Patrick, please... I _need_ you... Please... Don't go...". I break down and fall to the floor.

But this time, Patrick's small, strong arms catch me and lift me up again. He is here, and he catches me when I fall. Unlike last time, when he was gone. But he is here now.

"I will never, _ever_ , leave you again." He pulls me closer. "Living without you was a nightmare. I missed you. Every single second, I missed you. I wasn't living, I was just surviving... And by the way...". He looks me in the eye.

"I just got you back, my angel. I will not leave you. I'm here. And I will stay here. Forever".

"Forever sounds fine by me", I smile through my tears.

"Forever it is then", he says before pushing his lips onto mine. And in that moment, my heaven is not up in the sky. It is here. My heaven is here.


	22. 22 - Ready To Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete has got Patrick back and it seems as his life can't get much better. But someone else still doesn't trust the boy who has been posessed and stands up against him. But that someone is still Pete's friend. He has to choose between protecting his boyfriend and staying loyal to his friends.

**Pete's POV**

The moment I kissed him was like nothing I had ever experienced before. All of the repressed emotions that had been torturing me finally disappeared. It was perfect.

But I know perfect moments can never last long, and I'm right. Behind me Andy coughs noisily and I pull away, sighing.

He tries to look serious but at the sight of my blushing face with a huge smile on it, he can't help but chuckle a little.

"So uhm... If you two lovebirds are done making out, we can maybe discuss some things", he says.

"Like how you seem to completely forget this person tried to kill you, only hours ago".

Patrick seems to shrink under Andy's gaze and turns red. He looks down and you can see he is hurt by his own memories.

"I- That... That wasn't me... It was Lucifer inside my head... He controlled me...", he mumbles.

"And how do we know Lucifer won't appear in your head again all of a sudden and makes you kill all of us?", Andy says.

"Shut up, Andy!", I shout. "You know that we can defend ourselves if he does that!".

"That's not the point!", Andy shouts back, and his low voice makes it sound like thunder. "I don't fucking trust this guy, Pete!

You've known him for years but I see him as the guy who nearly strangled you, and I don't see why I should trust him!"

Patrick is close to tears and even I am shaking. The anger in my chest is building up and I can't believe that I used to call this person my friend.

"Then you leave! Because Patrick sure as hell isn't leaving!", I am about to say more things but Patrick's hand on my shoulder stops me.

"Pete... He's right. You can't trust me. The last thing I heard from Lucifer was that I am not done yet...", he whispers.

"See? I knew it! He- ", Andy shouts.

"Shut the fuck up!", I interrupt him, screaming at the top of my lungs.

"No, you shut up!", Andy steps forward, which leads to him standing so close to me that there is barely an inch of space between us.

"You are so blinded by your stupid goddamn love that you foget that this is about more than you! This is about all of us!

If I die, you won't be able to get back to heaven, you understand that? And I don't think Dan and Phil will ever be able to forget that.

They've been through Hell and now you're making them go through it again! But you, you are so goddamn selfish that you forget all of that! You only think about you have to find your own fucking true love!

But you know, Pete? If you want to continue with your true love, you do it without me!"

He turns around, pushing me so hard I fall on the ground, and walks away.

Patrick helps me up and looks me in the eye, a sad smile on his face. My breathing is going so fast I can see stars in front of my eyes.

"That fucking asshole...", I mumble. "We don't need him. And the others can go too if- "

"We won't", Phil's voice interrupts me.

I look up to see that Dan and Phil have been listening to our entire conversation. They heard everything...

"We won't leave you, Pete", Phil says again. "We were with you from the beginning, and we'll stay with you until the end".

Tears appear in my eyes and Dan and Phil walk towards me to give me a giant grouphug.

Patrick stands awkwardly on the side but Dan looks at him and gives a little nod. With a smile, Patrick joins the hug.

We keep standing there for a while, just enjoying eachother's company. We may not seem like much alone, but together, we are a force that can shake the world.

After a while, I take a step back. I look at my friends, standing in front of me, and at the love of my life, standing right next to me.

"So... What are we gonna do now?", Dan asks.

"I suggest you tell me what the fuck you guys were shouting about!", a voice from behind us says.

"Lucifer, Heaven, Hell? Are you guys on drugs or something?"

My heart stops a beat and I jump up. I totally forgot Dan Reynolds was still here and his voice scared the living shit out of me.

"Well...", Phil starts awkwardly. "This uh... This is gonna sound really weird..."

"Just fucking tell it!", Dan shouts. "I'm getting goddamn nervous of this shit!"

So Phil tells everything. About our time in Heaven. About my dream of Patrick. About our journey to earth. About how Lucifer brainwashed Patrick and tied us up. And finally, about how we got here.

Dan just stands there, and you see his face become pale. It almost looks like he is going to faint so I say something.

"Dan... Are- are you okay?", I ask.

"Are you guys sure you didn't eat some bad mushrooms while I wasn't looking?", Dan just asks.

"And if you didn't, you guys are in some big shit...", he mumbles after.

We just nod and stand silently. I'm starting to doubt if it was a good idea to tell this man everything.

"And if you're in such big shit...", he continues. "I guess I can't do anything but help you get out of it". A little smirk makes his lips curl up and his eyes sparkle.

"Are you serious?", we all say at the same time.

"We told you it was Lucifer possessing Patrick", I say. "This is not just some bad guy, this is the actual Devil! If you help us, your risk of dying is quite high".

"Kid?", Dan smiles. "My risk of dying is always quite high. A Devil more or less won't make a difference.

And since that black-haired asshole decided to quit, I can take his place. If you don't mind, obviously".

"Of course we don't mind!", Dan Howell says. "The more people we have on our side, the bigger our chances are".

"We've got a chance...", Phil sudddenly mumbles, and it sounds so adorable that we all start to laugh.

"No, I'm serious!", Phil says louder. "We can win this!"

"Indeed we can", I say. "And I won't leave this earth without Lucifer dead. And I promise, I'll keep you alive. All of you. I swear".

"You don't have to promise that for me, kid", Dan Reynolds smirks. "I can keep myself alive".

"I hope so, because I sure as hell can't", Phil laughs.

And on that note, we get into Dan's car, all a little nervous but with adrenaline pumping through our veins.

Ready to fight.


	23. 23 - I Will Have No Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they're on their way to destroy Lucifer, Patricks gets tormented again and someone they thought was a friend turns against them which turns into what they all think is going to be the final battle.

**atrick's POV**

It's kinda awkward, sitting beside so many people that are already so familiar with each other, but Pete's hand on mine makes everything better.

He makes me feel like I'm not completely alone in this, like I'm supposed to be here, like it's all okay when it's not.

A new song comes on the radio and Pete jerks upwards.

"Woah, stop!", he shouts, nearly making Dan crash the car into a tree.

"What the f-", he begins, but Pete stops him.

"Turn the volume up!", he says. I don't get why he's so excited until I hear the first couple of sentences.

_So long to all my friends_

_Everyone of them met tragic ends..._

Gerard... Memories of Pete's funeral come back, making my eyes widen and my blood freeze inside my veins.

Pete's reaction is entirely different. There's a sad smile on his face and he almost looks proud.

"Gerard... He did it... Fuck, he did it...", he just whispers.

I see Dan, Phil and Dan Reynolds -jeez, those two Dan's are getting confusing- looking at him like he lost his mind so I give him a hint that perhaps he should explain.

"Gerard... He wrote this song for me... Because he wanted me to stay strong...", Pete mumbles.

"He said that to prove anyone could make it, he would publish it and it would be a hit. I didn't realise he meant it but he did... He made it... And I didn't..."

We are all silent for a few moments until Phil decides to break the awkward silence.

"That's not true. You're going to fight Lucifer, ruler of Hell... If anyone tells you that that's not making it, you can stab them with a spork".

Dan Howell -oh my God, I'm just gonna call them Dan H and Dan R from now on- leaned over towards Phil and smirked.

"Getting a little violent, Philly?", he asks. "Don't worry, I like it", he adds as Phil blushes, making him blush even more.

"Alright, love birds, cut it off", Dan R mutters in an annoyed voice. "We're going to fight the Devil, we're not going on a date".

"Scared, Dan?", Pete laughs.

Dan answers something but I can't hear it because of a sudden shot of pain, rushing through my mind.

I lean forward and groan, still trying to keep quiet. I bite my lip so hard I can taste blood and push my eyes closed.

_Didn't I tell you it wasn't over?_

His voice echoes inside my mind, leaving a chill running down my spine. The constant pain isn't getting any less and I feel like my brain is going to explode.

_Oh, foolish mortal, it is far from over..._

He's back. He never left. He was always there, hiding inside my mind, waiting for a good time to attack.

"No...", I whisper, not realising I said it out loud until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Pete's hazel eyes looking at me with a worried expression in them.

"Patrick... Are you okay?", he asks. "You've been sitting with your head down for the past ten minutes. Is everything all right?"

I nod my head, trying to shake the memory of Lucifer's voice out of my brain. I bite my lip again and look away. Pete sees this as a sign of fear.

"He's not here, Pat", he whispers. "You're safe. We will protect you. You know that, right?"

I nod again and just continue to stare out of the window without saying anything. Pete tries to get my attention a couple of time but gives up and starts a conversation with the others.

That is when I hear him again. It doesn't hurt this time. Just that terrifying cold inside my mind, as if every nerve just becomes numb.

_Soon, you will be mine, whether you want it or not._

I shake my head once again.He can't do anything. He needs his stupid weapon or something to change me. The only thing he can do now is threaten me. I'm safe.

"You won't get me", I mumble as soft as I can. "I'll fight."

_How can you fight me? You must not forget I am strong and you're not. You left your boyfriend because you were afraid you would hurt him. You're weak!_

The last word makes my my brain shake inside my skull because of the sudden pain. I press my head against the cold glass of the car and close my eyes. He won't get me. I won't react.

_You will never be good enough for him! It's your fault he's going through all of this! You should have died instead of him! You deserve it!_

"No!", I shout and try to stand up, hitting my head against the roof of the car. I look around, breathing heavily, and notice that everyone is looking at me like I've gone insane.

Everyone, except for Dan Reynolds.

He slowly stops the car and I notice that we are standing in front of an abandoned building, a different one than the one I was trapped in.

 **Linda Vista hospital** ,it says on a sign in front of the entrance.

"What did he say?", Dan R asks. As I stay silent, he asks it again, louder this time. "What did he say?!"

"Dan, what the hell are y-", Pete starts, but Dan holds up his hand, putting him to silence.

"Tell me", he says one last time.

"He... He told me it wasn't over...", I stutter. "That it was never over..."

I expect Dan to look shocked or at least concerned but instead of that, a smirk appears on his face.

"And he was right..."

With one swift movement, he flips a switch somewhere next to the car radio, making a horrible noise come out of it. It pierces right through my body and I know what this means.

I lean forward, trying to make it go away, but I know that it's hopeless. He's got me.

I can already feel my thoughts getting weaker and his orders filling up my conciousness. I gasp for air.

"No! Not again, please!", I beg. But I realise I can beg and plead as much as I can, it's hopeless. Knowing, I can only say one last thing before I fade away, I catch my breath.

I turn around, eyes turning yellow already and shout. I shout at the top of my lungs.

" _RUN!_ "

And they run. They run for me

They run like they've never ran before.

For me.

Because I am going to kill them.

Like my master told me.

I will kill them.

All of them.

And I will have no mercy.


	24. 24 -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete and his friends get help from an unexpected old friend. They split up in attempt to escape Lucifer's wrath. But this ends in a tragedy greater than anyone could ever imagine.

**Pete's POV**

I couldn't believe it even though I saw it happening in front of my own eyes. Dan Reynolds, the guy that picked us up, that made us find Patrick... Everything was set up... Everything was a lie...

Those thoughts flashed through my mind within a second, because the next moment we had to run for our lives. 

I pushed Dan and Phil forward and started to run, towards the entrance of the abandoned hospital. Sadly, because of my horrifying clumsiness, I trip over my own goddamn feet

This is it, I think for a moment. I am actually going to be killed by my posessed boyfriend. I close my eyes, awaiting the pain I think is coming. But I feel no pain. Instead a mocking voice makes me open my eyes.

"You didn't think I was actually going to let you die?"

I immediately recognise the deep voice. I open my eyes and there he stands, blood on his hands and a confused looking Patrick with a wound on his forehead lying at his feet. 

Andy Biersack, he didn't leave us.

"What?", he says as he sees me staring. "He isn't dead or anything. But we need to run, right now".

He grabs my arm, helping me to stand up while I push Dan and Phil forward. We run inside the hospital with no idea where we have to go.

"What do we do now?", I shout over my shoulder to Andy who is running behind me.

"Just run!", he shouts back. "I don't care in which direction. As long as we're far away from that monster, we're all right!"

That makes me stop. I turn around, nearly cause him to run into me.

"He's not a monster", I say clearly.

"Pete, he tried to kill you! How are you still defending him?", Andy replies. "Your love for him is going to kill you in the end!"

"It already has once", I answer in a cold voice.

"You guys, stop it!", Phil shouts desperately, interrupting Andy who was about to get angry again.

"Fighting isn't going to help any of us", Phil continues. "All we need to do is try to get Lucifer out of Patrick's head and then kill that bast... St- stupid thing..."

"After all of this you still can't swear, Philly?", Dan laughs, placing a hand on Phil's shoulder. "He's right, though. I think the best we can do is split up..."

"Seriously?", I say. "When people do that in horror movies, you can be sure one of them dies!"

"I know, but it's the best chance we have! I suggest Pete and I go right while you two..." Dan nods at Phil and Andy.  "You two can go left".

"Fine", Andy mutters. "Come on."

"Wait", Phil says. He runs towards Dan and wraps his arms around him. He pushes his lips onto Dan's, embracing him into a passionate and long kiss. 

When he loosens his grip, Dan steps backwards, looking startled but with a clearly noticeable blush on his cheeks.

"What- what was that for?", he stutters.

"For if I don't see you again", Phil simply says

"No. Don't say that", Dan replies, almost angrily. "We will all make it out alive, I promise you that".

"Don't make promises you are not sure you can keep", Phil smiles sadly. "I have a really bad feeling about this..."

He leans forward for another, shorter kiss and then steps back.

"I love you, Dan." Without saying anything else, Phil turns around and walks away, Andy following closely.

Dan just stand there for a few moments, watching Phil and Andy walking around a corner and disappearing out of our sight. Only then he looks up at me.

"We better go", he says. And that is what we do. We walk for about fifteen minutes until Dan stops all of a sudden and holds me back.

"Do you hear that?", he whispers.

I listen carefully and in the distance I can hear the sound of footsteps and something being thrown against a wall.

"Shit, it's him", Dan mumbles. "What do we do, run or hide?"

"Hide", I whisper back. "If we run, he will hear us".

Dan nods and we enter the first room we find. I look around and notice some cupboards which are probably just large enough for us to fit in.

I crawl inside one of them while Dan also tries to. But after a few attempts he realises his ridiculously long legs are too big for the quite small cupboard.

He looks around in desparation and just before the door opens, he crawls behind one of the carts with medical supplies on them.

I can't see anything inside the cupboard but I hear ragged breathing and footsteps coming closer. My heart is beating so fast, I think it's going to burst out of my chest and just before I think I can't handle it anymore, my cupboard gets pulled open.

Patrick's hands are around my throat before I can even react and when he speaks, it isn't his familiar voice I hear, but the sickening cold voice of Lucifer.

"You should've ran when you had the chance..."

Patrick lifts up his fist to bash my brains in, but this time I'm not closing my eyes. I look him straight in the eye, because I want him to be the last thing I see.

"Goodbye...", Patrick grunts.

"No!", a voice behind him shouts, and I realise Dan Howell has just made the dumbest choice in his life.

Dan jumps on Patrick's back, pulling him off me. Patrick turns around, pushing Dan onto the operation table that is standing in the middle of the room.

I try to stand up, to help Dan but for some reason I can't. It's like an invisible force is holding me on the ground. Then I remember that Lucifer can kill people he can't even see, this will probably easy for him.

"Dan!", I shout at the top of my lungs.

Dan looks up and I see a flash of utter terror in his deep brown eyes. Then Patrick pushes him back onto the table and grabs something from the ground. It's like a weird sort of wire, probably used to control electronics when this hospital was still used.

He tangles it around Dan's neck so tightly it makes blood splash out of the wound the wire has created. I hear Dan choking on his own blood and know that I have to do something, now.

"Patrick!", I shout.

Patrick turns around, looking at me.

"Look what you've done! You killed him!"

A look of confusion appears on Patrick's face, as if he doesn't understand what I'm saying.

"Look at it!", I scream, tears streaming from my eyes. "You killed your friend! He trusted you, Patrick! He trusted you!"

I desperately try to get up and my sobs are becoming hysterical.

Suddenly, I can move again and I run towards Dan, nearly crashing to the ground as I see him.

The flesh of his neck is ripped apart and all I can see is blood. There are tears on his cheeks and I see he is trying to say something.

"P- Pete", he coughs.

"Yes, I'm here, I'm here. You're gonna be okay", I whisper, but it's more to convince me than to reassure him.

"No, I'm not", he smiles sadly. "I'm... I'm gonna die..."

"No no no no no!", I shout. "You're not! You're gonna stay alive and you're gonna come back Home with all of us!"

But it's like Dan doesn't hear me.

"Please... Please tell Phil that I love him... And that he couldn't do anyhing to change this... And that he made my life brighter... And..."

He tries to say something else but the blood inside his throat is preventing him.

"Its going to be okay in the end", I suddenly say, remembering something he said to me once. "And if it's not okay, it's not the end..."

Dan smiles and I can see that small sparkle I could always see when he smiled.

"That's why it's okay".

And with that sentence, I see the light leave Dan Howell's eyes.


	25. 25 - A Danger To Humanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete is lost and broken after the death of a friend whom he loved more than he expected, but Patrick is still there too. And Pete is going to have to tell him. But will that make him lose the love of his life too?

**Pete's** **POV**

I can't move. I can't think. I can barely breathe. My body and mind are numb and all I can do is sit next to Dan who is lying on the operation table and cry.

I cry so much that I forget everything around me. There is blur over my vision which gives everything a surreal impression. Like this is just a dream.

A voice behind me scares me. I jump up with tears still on my cheeks, turning my back to Dan as if trying to protect him.

"Pete..."

His voice is no more than a whisper, but it is enough to fuel the rage inside my chest.

"What?", I snap.

"What... What have I done?" Patrick looks at me with fear in his eyes, which widen as he sees my body blocking the operation table and as I stay silent.

"What have I done?", he shouts this time, almost hysterically.

Then I realise that it wasn't him killing Dan. It was Lucifer. Patrick didn't do anything. But how in Heaven's name do I tell him this?

"You... I- I mean you didn't...", I stutter.

"Tell me!", Patrick screams, tears flowing from his eyes and his body shaking with fear.

As an answer I step aside, revealing Dan's body. My legs are trembling and my my breathing is fast, afraid of Patrick's reaction.

At first he's just standing there, blinking his eyes confusedly and frowning. Then he raises his eyebrows as the truth starts to hit him.

"Did... Did I...", he stutters, as if he still doesn't believe it.

"Did I kill him?" His voice cracks and a sob escapes his throat.

I can't help but nod, facing the awful reality. That Dan is dead. That he is not coming back.

Patrick's knees become weak and he falls to the ground, just looking at Dan with disbelief in his eyes. I can only stand there, motionless, unable to do anything.

"Patrick?", I whisper.

He tilts his head upwards, tears shining on his cheeks.

"It- it wasn't you... It was Lucifer... In your head...", I try my best to make everything better but the right words don't seem to come out.

"No, Pete!", Patrick shouts all of a sudden. "This was me! I murdered someone! There's his blood on my hands, not on Lucifer's! My hands were around his throat!"

"But... But you didn't do it on purpose, right?", I stutter.

"I remember pushing him down onto the operation table...", Patrick mumbles. "I wanted him dead... Well, I didn't _want_ him dead but at the same time... I did..."

He looks up at me. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

I awkwardly shake my head. Patrick sighs and looks down at the ground.

"I can still remember every thought... How desperately I wanted his blood to flow. How the only thing I desired was his heartbeat, which I could feel pulsating against my fingertips, to stop".

He looks into my eyes.

"I wanted him dead, Pete", he says, breathing heavily. "Every bit of my being wanted him dead... You can't tell me I'm not a murderer, when I wanted to kill him myself."

Then he does something I didn't expect. He starts crying. Long, hysterical sobs break the dead silence. He stumbles forward and falls into my arms. I hold him against me, awkwardly stroking his hair and patting his back.

After we've been standing there for about fifteen minutes Patrick's still crying.

He clutches his heart and cringes, as if he's just been stabbed.

"Lucifer... He's torturing me...", he grunts. "It... It won't stop.... It hurts, Pete".

There was so much desperation in that last sentence that I began to shake.

"I know, Pat", I say in an attempt to calm him down. "But it will stop. It will get better, I promise."

"No", Patrick whispers, tears streaming down his face. "Of all people, you should know that pain in your heart never stops. It never gets better."

Then he looks up, he looks up at me as if I'm his last hope. Af if I'm his only saviour.

"Kill me."

At first I think I haven't heard it properly and I just stand there, confused. Only after he says it the second time it hits me.

"Kill me, please..."

He looks so broken, so small. He looks like I looked before I ended it. But that can't be his fate too.

"No, Patrick... I can't", I say. "Think of your family, your friends... Think of everything lying in your future..."

"How can I have a future when he will always be here. I can't live when the Devil lives inside my head. Who knows who else I will kill... I'm a danger to humanity. I am the monster parents tell their children about at night.."

"No, you aren't", I say again, but I begin to think it's hopeless. "Patrick we... We'll work this out, okay?"

Patrick just shakes his head, crying and pulling his hair.

"He's here!", he shrieks. "He's here again, Pete!" He starts crying even more.

"Kill me, please!", he begs. "Kill me before I kill you!"

I take a step back, terrified by his words. But I can't deny what my eyes see, his eyes are slowly turning the yellow-ish green that is so horribly familiar.

"No", I just say. "I'm not going to kill my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything..."

But Patrick doesn't hear me. He slowly looks up, the blue glow in his eyes reflecting the dimmed lights in the room.

"Do it", he grunts one last time.

He walks towards me, hands reaching for my throat. I stumble backwards and notice one of the scalpels they used to perform surgeries with. It's quite big and still sharp.

I look at Patrick, who is not really Patrick anymore, but at the same time he still is. Would it really be so bad if he died, or would it only end his suffering? Wouldn't it be worse if I let him live?

I take a deep breath which gets cut off by a sob. I take the scalpel in my hand and push my eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, Patrick", I shout before I lower my hand and push the scalpel right into his chest.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I keep repeating it while pushing the scalpel over and over again. Blood is splashing on my face and I can feel the taste of metal in my mouth.

Only when Patrick has stopped moving, I let go of the scalpel. I look down, into the beautiful green-blue eyes that aren't yellow anymore, that are human again.

They look up at me but can't see anything. I can't stop looking at those eyes but after a while I look at his whole face.

I can't help but to cry only more, because his mouth is curled up into a smile. He died smiling. He died knowing that his pain would end.

Patrick Martin Stump died. And it was because of me. And a bit because of himself. And a bit because of Lucifer. But also because of me...

But mostly, he died happily. He died because he wanted to. And at that moment, I realise we're probably more alike than I thought we were.


	26. 26 - No, Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick's life is over, and just as Pete he goes to the afterlife. Only he has to make a choice: let Lucifer win and go to Hell, or fight back or go to Heaven. The fight is hard, but Patrick Stump isn't one for giving up.

**Patrick's POV**

He killed me.

I wanted him to, even though it wasn't what my master had in mind.

I was in pain, living. I felt guilty.

I was not supposed to feel guilty. My master said I wasn't supposed to feel at all.

I can barely see. Am I kept inside my cage again? Is my master coming to punish me?

I can't remember much.

_Patrick._

I gasp for air. "Yes, master?"

_You will be tested, soon. It will be hard. But you have to fight it._

"Fight what, master?", I ask. I have to know what I have to do to obey.

_Yourself._

Then he's gone. There is silence in my head. Dark, just dark. No thoughts.

Barely a minute after my master left, a door opens in front of me. Smoke is coming out of it, making me cough.

A small table has appeared beside me, with a short dagger on it. I have seen that dagger before. I know what I have to use it for. To kill.

Who do I have to kill? Who must I fight?

Behind the smoke is a silhouette of a man, there's a hood over his head and his wrists are tied together. He is my victim.

He can't see me. He doesn't know what is coming. It's so easy.

Master said this was a test. Am I being tested to see if I can kill? Of course I can do that.

I pick up the dagger and raise my arm. Just slice his throat. So easy.

_Patrick!_

You are not my master. Who are you? What are you doing in my head?

_Patrick, I'm you. And this is my head. I'm the real you, the you who isn't controlled by Lucifer._

That is not true. I am me, and I obey my master because I want to.

_You felt guilty, didn't you? Killing the person who was your friend._

I am not supposed to feel guilty. Feelings aren't real.

_You felt love. You felt love so strong that nothing could break it._

Love is just an illusion of a hopeless heart.

_But still you felt it. You know that. You remember how warm it felt, how nice it was._

Love is for children.

_Are those your thoughts or Lucifer's?_

My master's thoughts are mine. My own thoughts do not matter.

_Lucifer doesn't know love because he has never felt it. That's why he wants to destroy your love._

I do not feel love for anyone. The only people I face are the ones I kill.

_Pete Wentz._

What?

_Pete Wentz. You love him. I love him, and I'm you._

Pete Wentz is my mission.

_No, he's Lucifer's mission. Is this really what you want for yourself? Walk around as a mindless zombie, killing everyone you see?_

This is my life. It's all I have.

_But don't you want it to get better? Don't you want the killing to stop? Don't you want to have that warm feeling in your heart again._

I can't.

_You can't, or you won't? Are you afraid, Patrick?_

I... I don't feel fear.

_Just let me in. Let me in and you will know peace again. You won't have to be afraid anymore._

No! My master said this was a test and that I have to fight you! I won't surrender!

_Okay, but just look at this. Then I will leave._

I feel something pushing against the insides of my skull. Then the smoke is gone, everything is gone and I am standing in a street.

There is a person standing opposite of me. He has breathtaking hazel eyes and looks scared. I know him. He is my mission.

I tell him that I have to go, that I don't want to hurt him. He looks scared, almost terrified.

I take a step forward and kiss him. I tell him that his lips feel cracked.

Then I turn around and get into my car. In the mirror, I see Pete collapsing but I keep driving.

- _flash_ -

I am standing in an empty parking lot. There is a phone in my hand. I'm calling someone.

"Oh, my darling", a weak voice of a woman says. "Haven't you heard it?"

"No, I have not heard anything!", I shout, and I feel fear clutching itself onto my heart. "What the hell is wrong with Pete?"

"He... He committed suicide last night..." The woman starts crying.

"The... The police found him crashed on the street with..."

I drop the phone and start to cry. Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III is dead, and he's dead because of me.

- _flash_ -

I am holding Pete in my arms, he's crying. He's afraid I'm going to leave him again.

"I just got you back, my angel. I will not leave you. I'm here. And I will stay here. Forever".

I mean every word I say. I have never felt that much love. I can barely stop my tears.

"Forever sounds fine by me", Pete smiles through his tears.

"Forever it is then", I say and I push my lips onto his. My heart feels like it's going to explode and in that short moment, everything is perfect.

- _flash_ -

"Kill me."

This is my last hope. The only way to end the pain. Pete just stands there, stunned.

"Kill me, please...", I beg again

"No, Patrick... I can't", Pete says. "Think of your family, your friends... Think of everything lying in your future..."

"How can I have a future when he will always be here. I can't live when the Devil lives inside my head. Who knows who else I will kill... I'm a danger to humanity. I am the monster parents tell their children about at night.."

"No, you aren't", Pete says again, but he sees that it won't convince me. "Patrick we... We'll work this out, okay?"

I just shake my head, crying and pulling my hair. Every bit of my body burns

"He's here!", I shriek, terrified. "He's here again, Pete!" I start crying even more.

"Kill me, please!", I beg one last time. "Kill me before I kill you!"

Pete takes a step back, afraid of me. Afraid of what I just said

"No", he just says. "I'm not going to kill my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything..."

But I barely hear him. Lucifer's voice echoes inside my mind.

"Do it", I manage to say before my mind is taken over.

The last thing I hear are Pete's screams and a horrible pain in my chest. I smile, because that is the only pain I feel. Finally, the other pain is gone. I'm free.

- _flash_ -

"Is... Are these..."

_Your memories? Yes, they are. This is what happens when you're the real you._

"So... Life becomes better?"

_It does. You can be safe. Just let me take over and you will never feel pain again._

"I'm afraid. What if he comes back?"

_He won't. And if he will, we'll protect you._

"Patrick?"

_Yes?_

"Thank you for saving me".

_No, thank you..._

- _flash_ -

I smash the knife against the ground and see the doors close in front of me. The smoke disappears and I see a white light above me.

The elevator I'm standing in goes up and I'm suddenly dressed in white clothing. It's clean of all the blood and dust. It's clean of the bad memories.

I look at my hand. My hand. It's mine again! It's mine and it will forever be mine.

_Well done, Patrick._

I jump up, afraid of the sudden voice in my head, afraid it's Lucifer again.

But this voice is different. Lower, calmer. I can trust this voice.

"Is it done now? The pain?"

_Yes, everything is done. You're safe. Forever._


	27. 27 - I've Never Been More Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick has reached Heaven, but things are far from over yet. Lucifer is still on Earth and he's not planning to go away anytime soon. Patrick knows he has to talk to him, but can he face them without getting hurt or posessed again?

**Patrick's POV**

The elevator I'm standing in has reached the highest level and the doors open.

I step out of it, closing my eyes to stop the bright white light that is shining into my face from blinding me.

As my eyes have gotten used to the brightness of this place, I look around. I'm alone in an empty room. Well, almost empty. The only piece of furniture is a desk made of dark wood and an office chair, which are standing exactly in the middle of the room.

Even though I'm alone, I've still got the feeling someone wants to talk to me. Why else would I be placed here?

I was right, because before I got to inspect everything, the door opens and someone walks through. They sit down at the desk and leave me to stare.

The first thing I notice is that this person looks an awful lot like Brendon Urie. The second thing I notice is that this might actually be Brendon Urie. The third thing is that this is Brendon-freaking-Urie that is sitting across from me.

The person that is apparently Brendon sees me glaring at him and I see him looking a little bit guilty.

"I am sorry to bring you the news that I'm not actually your dear friend", he says, confirming the fact that this is definitely _not_ Brendon Urie. Brendon would never talk like this.

"Who are you then?", I ask. "And what- what am I doing here? What is this place?" The longer I talk, the louder my voice gets until I am almost shouting the last sentence.

"Slow down with the quesions", Brendon-who-isn't-Brendon laughs.

"Firstly, think for a little while, I feel like you can already guess where you are".

"I- I...", I stutter before a thought pops up inside my head. "Am I in Heaven?"

Brendon smiles lightly, making me even more confused. "But I thought I'd go to Hell?"

"Why on Earth would you think that?", Brendon ask concerned.

"I killed people... Didn't I?", I am starting to doubt my own sanity.

"Your body did. Your mind didn't. And your mind is the thing that counts for the option between Hell and Heaven", he explains. "If you hadn't been able to cast out Lucifer posessing you, you wouldn't have been here."

"Wait...", I begin to realise what is going on. "Are you God?"

"People do call me that...", Brendon admits carefully.

"But why the hell do you look like one of my friends from Earth?"

"I have the ability to change in whatever form you would be most comfortable with."

Well, that explains a lot. I am standing across from Brendon Urie who isn't actually Brendon Urie but God, who doesn't actually look like Brendon Urie but can look like whoever he wants.

"Why do you want to talk to me?", is the only thing I can say.

"I want to tell you that you don't have to worry. We will capture Lucifer, your friends will come back, life will go on".

"Really?", I snap. "Life will go on, are you serious? I've been possessed by the Devil for more than a week. I killed my friend, my boyfriend killed me and you are expecting that life just goes on?

I'm sorry, but I truly thought God would be smarter."

Brendon-God suddenly gets a bitter expression on his face.

"You'll have to", he mumbles. "You can't just sit in a corner and cry and moan about how your life is over like I did when..."

"When what?", I ask as he suddenly stops.

"When Lucifer left me..."

"He is the Devil!", I say confusedly. "I would be darn happy if he would leave me."

"He is my brother!", God shouts, now on the verge of tears. "He was my brother and I loved him and he betrayed me!

You think your heart was the only one that has been broken, Patrick? You're wrong."

I'm blown away by all his fury. I didn't expect him to still love Lucifer, even after all he's done. But maybe love that was once so strong never dies.

"So, what now?", I ask. "I mean, you have to face him if you want to capture him."

"I know", God whispers. "And I'm terrified."

I smile a little. "So am I."

All of a sudden an unknown man comes running into the room through the door behind the desk.

"We found him!", he shouts, completely out of breath.

Brendon-God's face turns pale and I can almost see his hand start to shake.

"Bring him here...", he whispers with trembling voice.

"He won't cooperate, sir", the man answers. "He wants to see you first. He has locked himself inside an abandoned building and says that he will only talk to people he's talked to before".

"I'll talk to him", I say without thinking, which I immediately regret.

"No, you don't", God cuts me off. "I'm not letting you get into danger again. He's my brother and I'll talk to him."

Without saying anything else he walks out of the room, but I'm not planning to stay here and wait until everything gets solved.

I follow them out of the room and end up in a massive white hall, where I get stopped again as God and the other man turn around.

"I hope you know you are being incredibly unsafe right now?", God sighs.

I roll my eyes. "Unsafe has been my life for the past couple weeks. Just let me come, I'm sure it'll help."

"Are you sure, Patrick?", he asks. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Oh yes", I say with a grim smile on my face. "I'd love to see him again and tell that sucker what exactly I thought of him all that time he was in my head."

"Then I think we have no choice", God concludes. "Let's go."

He walks towards a trapdoor in the ground and says a sentence in a language I don't understand, but what I assume is Latin.

The trapdoor opens and a bright light shines out of it and straight into my eyes.

"Are you ready, Patrick?", God asks.

"I don't think I've ever been more ready."

Then I step into the white void, knowing that I will be standing face to face with both my worst fear and enemy soon. But just this once, I don't care.

Just this once, I feel no fear.


	28. 28 - I'm Glad You're Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a last attempt to get Lucifer to surrender, Patrick decides to talk to him. Meanwhile Pete is still in a trance-like state after the loss of one of his greatest friends, not knowing that his boyfriend is about to put his life in danger once again.

**Pete's POV**

I don't know what to do anymore. I've seen my friend die. I've killed the one and only love of my life. And now I'm alone. Alone in the whole universe. At least that's what it feels like.

I hear a door open slowly and I look up, not even caring whether it's a person that wants to kill me or to help me. There is a tall figure standing in the doorway and as I try to make my vision get into focus, I realise this might be the only person that truly understands me.

It's my sister.

She slowly walks towards me and kneels beside me. She doesn't say anything. She just wraps her arms around me, letting me rest my head on her shoulder and close my eyes, pretending this is all just a bad dream and I will wake up in a world where I've never killed anyone.

"Pete...", she whispers while softly stroking my hair, like she used to do when I was younger and I had the flu. She always sat next to me, trying to soothe me to sleep.

"Pete... I've come to take you..."

"Take me?", I look up at her with a scared expression on my face. I don't want to go anywhere. I want to just stay here and cry and forget about my existence.

"Take you Home", she says. "Your task is done. It's over. You're safe again."

"No, it's not!", I shout. "It's not over! It's never over! Patrick's dead! Patrick's dead and he will never come back! You understand me? _Never!!_ "

Somehow it helps to let it all out this way but it also makes all the memories hit me right in the chest again. I look at my sister, who doesn't look upset at all. She even smiles a little.

"What, you think this is funny?!", I shout in disbelief. "You really think this is the time to laugh?"

"Pete, listen-", my sister tries to interrupt me.

"No, no, you listen!" My voice is cracking. "The only person who helped me recover from your death was Patrick! And he's dead! He's gone! He's fucking gone! And you're fucking smiling!"

"Pete, seriously, listen to me", she says angrily. "Use your head. Yes, Patrick is dead. But you're dead too, you idiot."

"Wh- what?", I stutter, too blown away to say anything else. I'm dead? Yes, I'm dead... But I'm still here. And Patrick's dead... Can he-

"Yes, he can", my sister smiles. Apparently I said everything out loud. "He is in Heaven. I've just been told everything. I came to get you so I could take you to him."

As I stay silent she continues. "So, are you coming with me or what?"

I'm about to say yes until I remember something. "Andy... Phil... They're still here..."

"Nope, others took care of them. They're safely in Heaven right now, just like Patrick. The only Angel left on Earth is you."

"And Lucifer", I say, thinking of what he once said. That even the Devil is a fallen Angel.

"What do you mean?", my sister asks.

"Well, we need to take care of him", I say. "I mean, we can't just leave him here, right?"

"He only wants to talk to people he knows well", she mumbles. "So Patrick's gonna talk to him..."

"What?!", I shout. "You're just gonna let him talk to Lucifer again? Who the hell allowed this?"

"God himself...", my sister mumbles, immediately stopping me from saying any more insults.

"Oh... Well...", I say, desperate for words. "Tell... Tell God that if he wants to let Patrick talk to Lucifer... He also has to let me talk to him. I won't leave Patrick alone with that psychopath again!"

"Well, then you have to hurry, because Patrick's already on his way..."

"Seriously?", I shout. "What the hell are we doing here then? Let's go!"

"Pete..." My sister lays a hand on my shoulder to hold me back. "Are you really sure about this?"

"Yes", I simply say. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay", she mutters. "Then I suggest you grab my arm and hold on tight, because this is gonna be quite a ride."

Just in time I manage to get a hold of her arm, because the next moment I'm being swept of my feet and into the air. We race through the corridors until we're standing outside and even then we don't stop.

"They told us Lucifer is in the abandoned building where he held Patrick hostage for a while, which will be about..." My sister looks at me and smirks. "Ten seconds away from here if we're fast. Do you think you can handle my maximum speed, Petey?"

I just nod breathlessly and there we go again. And I'm not even kidding, we literally were there in ten seconds.

We decend towards the ground and land right in front of the door to the building. Without saying I open the door and walk through it.

"Patrick?", I shout in the hope that he might respond, but there's no response.

I walk further, leaving my sister behind and constantly shouting Patrick's name until I've left the last bit of daylight behind and the only light comes from a small lightbulb hanging on the ceiling.

"Patrick?", I shout again, almost starting to give up hope when I hear an answer.

"Young angel... How nice of you to join the party. I must say I am truly delighted."

Those words are followed by a "shut up" which I immediately recognise as Patrick's voice.

"Yes, I've come", I say, trying to hide the terrible fear that is clutching itself onto my heart. "I've come to take you."

"Take me?" I can see him now. He's leaning against a wall, Patrick standing opposite of him. Patrick looks tense, while Lucifer looks like he has absolutely nothing to worry about.

"Yes, take you. You've committed crimes that are too terrible to be spoken of and need to be punished in the name of-" I attempt to talk in the same posh way as he always does but he interrupts me.

"If I am for the axe, then for mercy's sake, just swing it", he says sighing, rolling his eyes.

"Fine! Then I'll call the Archangels to tell them to come and get you!", I shout angrily, completely forgetting that this was all his plan.

"Oh, there's no need for that...", a tired voice mumbles behind me.

"Hello, brother", God says smiling lightly. "Did you miss me?" He looks like a young man now. Light blond hair, deep brown eyes and a tanned skin. All of his features are soft, making him seem approachable, the exact opposite of Lucifer.

There is a slight crack in Lucifer's mask of composure, as he pushes his lips together until they're nothing but a thin line.

"You're not my brother. You never were and you know that." It takes him a lot to keep his voice in that perfect, controlled tone.

"You never acted like that when we were younger", God says. "We were more than brothers, we were friends. We we grew up together, we fought together..."

"No!" Lucifer points his finger at God. "The only thing you did was casting a shadow over my entire existence for me to live in, and that's all I remember."

"You know I never wanted to hurt you", God tries to calm him down.

"No!" It only seems to make him more furious. "I was the only and rightful ruler of Heaven until you tossed me into this abyss!"

"And as a revenge you take your madness out on these innocent people here on Earth? You destroy their lives because I destroyed yours? I thought you were better than this..."

"I changed, brother", Lucifer sneers. "More than you could imagine. I will never live in the shade of your greatness again."

I expect God to react just as violent but instead of that a single tear rolls down his cheek. "Please... Just come home..."

"I don't have a home anymore. You cast me out of the only home I had, remember?", Lucifer says bitterly.

"Well...", I interrupt the two talking. "You have to come with us, whether you want to or not. You're kinda arrested..."

Lucifer sarcastically pulls up one eyebrow and smirks. "Oh dear, if you arrested me, I think I must surrender..."

He puts his hands in the air. "Please take me to your dungeon."

"Well, if you ask for it...", God grabs Lucifer by his arm and spreads his wings. He turns around and looks at me and Patrick.

"You've got your own wings. Follow closely, the portal will only be open for a short amount of time."

We nod and give a short look at each other. Patrick is about to fly as I stop him.

"I'm glad you're back", I say while smiling.

Patrick just smiles back, but in that smile are more emotions hidden than a thousand words could say.

I grab his hand and together we fly away. Towards safety, towards hope, towards a future together. A future I never thought was possible.


	29. 29 - I Came Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick and Pete have returned to Heaven, where they will be faced with Andy and Phil again. But how will Phil react when he finds out Pete let Dan die and Patrick was the one who killed him?

**Pete's** **POV**

Never thought that big, white building the angels call Home would feel as safe as it felt now. As Patrick and I fly into the entrance hall with the marble pillars, we are greeted by an applause so loud my ears hurt.

I awkwardly laugh, not knowing what to do with the situation and just hold Patrick's hand, as if I'm afraid he will suddenly disappear. In the back of the enthusiastic crowd I see God, still in the same shape as he was when I saw him last.

He notices how awkward I feel and walks to the front until he is standing next to me and puts his left hand on my shoulder, and his right hand on Patrick's shoulder.

"Listen, people", he says in his calm, low voice. "These brave, young boys have been through a lot. Please give them the rest they deserve."

The crowd slowly stops applauding and makes a pathway for us to walk through. God walks in front of us and shows us the way to a private room for us to get some sleep. Well, at least I thought it was private.

When I open the door I nearly get knocked over by Andy Biersack who is trying to give both of us a hug. But since he is about the size of a tree and we're like half his height that doesn't work out.

"My God, I thought I'd never see you again", he whispers, his voice muffled by the sob in his throat.

I smile and hug him back. "Come on, you know me. I wont leave so soon."

The happy moment gets suddenly broken by two strong arms pushing me against a wall and knocking the air out of my lungs. I groan and look up, seeing two blue eyes only centimeters from mine.

"Tell me where Dan is!", Phil shouts at me. "Tell me!!", he repeats as I don't answer.

"Phil, calm down!", Andy shouts, pulling him back. Phil just keeps standing there, his chest rising and sinking quickly.

"Where... is... Dan, Pete?", he says, breathing heavily.

I look at Andy in distress, not knowing how to say it. He immediately sees what happened and turns to Phil.

"Phil... We need to tell you something about Dan", he says softly, trying to prevent Phil from raging again. "But I don't want you attacking Pete. This wasn't his fault."

"What- What happened to him?", Phil stutters, his innocent, blue eyes widening in fear. He knows. He won't admit it but he knows.

"He...", Andy takes a deep breath and swallows. "He didn't survive it..." He immediately looks down, afraid of the slightest eye contact.

I'm expecting Phil to start screaming, crying, freaking out... But none of that happens. He just slowly sits down against a wall and stares at the void in front of him.

"Dan, no...", he just whispers, burying his head in his hands. "Please...", I can hear him mumble.

Slowly he looks up, looking me straight in the eye. His face is blank, emotionless. He must be in shock.

"You broke your promise, Pete", he softly says, his head tilting a bit to the side. "You broke your promise, and you will pay for that."

"I- Phil, I tried everything I could...", I say, blown away by his weird reaction.

"No!" Phil is standing in front of me within a second. "You promised we'd all make it out alive!", he shouts. "You promised!"

"I didn't know this would happen, okay?", I shout back. "How do you think I felt while I watched him die in front of my own eyes!"

"I loved him!", Phil just screams. "And he's gone because you couldn't save him!"

That flicks a switch inside my brain. With one swift motion I shove him against the wall, a hand around his throat.

"You're not the only one who has lost a loved one", I hiss. "And now, do you see me cry? No, so quit your whining and act like the man you are."

I let him go and he falls to ground, gasping for air and looking up at me with tears in his eyes. All of a sudden his behaviour changes.

"I'm sorry...", he mumbles with a sob in his throat. "I- I just... He was... He is my everything... And now he's gone..."

He takes a deep breath. "Did he say something... As last words?"

I nod. "He said I had to tell you that he loves you, and that you couldn't do anything to change this. And that you made his life brighter..."

I shake my head, fighting against the tears. "He died smiling, Phil. He died knowing everything would be okay. That's the most important thing."

Phil nods and stands up again, walking towards me and doing a thing I never expected him to do. He hugs me. Only for a short moment, then he pulls away.

"Thank you for being with him in his last moments", he says, smiling a little. "I'm glad he didn't die alone."

He turns to Patrick. "And you." I see him look scared. "I don't blame you. I blame this piece of... of... of _shit_ that can rot away in the dungeons."

I look suprised. Phil never swears, never. He must be really mad.

Andy breaks the silence that follows. "I didn't like that Howell guy very much, but I must say one thing."

He looks around, at all of us. "He would have wanted us to be happy. To go on. To make the best of what we have. And I think we should do that."

I nod, encouraging him to go on. "I mean, look at us. Look at what we are."

He looks at Phil. "Someone who couldn't swear if his life depended on it, but just called Lucifer a piece of shit."

He looks at Patrick. "Someone who has been posessed by the Devil but still manages to look like the most adorable person in the world."

Patrick laughs and I laugh too. "Stay away from my boyfriend", I tease Andy. He winks and I laugh even more.

Andy points at himself. "Someone who betrayed his best friend, resulting into what nearly was the end of Heaven."

He looks at me. "And finally, someone who has lost everything a person can lose, but still manages to save all of our lives.

We're such a mess, all of us. But goddamn, we're the best mess ever."

I look at Patrick and see him smile like he's never smiled before. He looks up and reaches out to grab my hand. And when we touch, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest. A weight that has existed since the day he left.

"I came back, Pete."

"What- what do you mean?", I say confusedly.

"You said you would do anything, if I ever came back", he says. "I came back."

Tears start to well up in my eyes as I remember the first letter I ever wrote him and how broken I was.

"Guys", Phil breaks the moment. "Please promise we never have to go through this again."

"I promise."

"I promise."

"I promise", I say. And I mean it. With all of my heart.

The sun breaks through. I start to smile. Patrick is holding my hand. I'm okay. That is the most important thing. I'm okay.

I'm okay.

_I'm okay..._


	30. Epilogue

The corridor is dark except from the dim lights coming from the torches hanging on the walls. The young man's shoes are the ony thing breaking the ice cold silence.

Only minutes ago, the hairs on the back of his neck were standing straight up, now he's feeling nothing. He knows the consequences of what he's going to do, and has accepted them.

He knows he's coming closer. The air feels like it's pushing down onto his shoulders and it is getting harder to breathe. He knows it's the nerves, he knows it's only in his head. But still he looks back

His breathing echoes against the cold walls, giving him the illusion he's not alone, that he's being followed. He knows he's alone. But still he looks back.

Only ten meter. Five, four, three, two, one...

The man stops in front of an open space in the wall. It looks like it's just an open room, but he can see his reflection. There is a window in front of it.

He knocks on the window. No reaction. He knocks again. Still nothing. He sighs and rolls his eyes.

"You know, trying to avoid contact won't make me leave", he says.

"Oh, I never planned on making you leave." A voice from the furthest corner of the dark room. A voice, giving the man goosebumps all over his thin arms. "I just wanted to make you wait a little longer. See how long it takes before you run away."

"Why would I run away?", the man scoffs. He acts emotionless, but his heart is beating against his ribcage.

"Can't you feel it?", the voice says. It's closer now. It's moving through the shadows. No, it's moving like the shadows.

"Can't you hear it? The whispers? They're everywhere. In your ears, in your heart, in your brain. It's the people who are rotting here. They've been banished to the darkest place anyone can imagine and have to stay here for eternity.

Can you hear them? I know you can. I know you're pulling up an eyebrow now, pretending not to believe me. But I know you're afraid. And you should be. Because if they don't get you... I will."

The man gasps for air and turns around, almost expecting to see someone standing behind him. But there's nothing. He's alone.

The voice chuckles. "I knew it. That's the only thing you can do. Be afraid and wait for others to save you."

"Shut up!", the man shouts. "If you know what I can and can't do, you must know why I'm here too."

"I am your last hope", the voice says, suddenly getting deeper. "You know what you ask for is impossible, but that last bit of your brain is still praying I can help you."

"Can you?" The man's voice is only a whisper. "Can you bring him back?"

"Being able to and wanting to are two different things, my boy."

"Tell me if you'll help me! If you won't, I'll leave. But please..." The man's voice broke at the last word. "Please bring him back..."

"Pathetic", the voice says, and the man can almost _hear_ the corner of his mouth twitching up. "I hope you know that if I help you, I have to get something back?"

"Take all you want!", the man shouts. "I don't care, take it. Just help me."

"If that's what you want..."

Suddenly a rush of pain goes through the man's head. And another one, and another, until it's just a permanent burning inside his mind. He screams. He screams as loud as he can.

Then it's done. Just as fast as it started, it's finished. He falls to the ground and stays there for a couple minutes. Then he opens his eyes.

"Wh- where am I?"

"Don't worry, my boy", the voice in the dark says. "You just got lost and hit your head. You're safe."

"Oh...", the man smiles. "Did you help me?"

"Yes, I did", the voice says, finally stepping out of the shadows. He looks menacing, even though the man doesn't recognise him.

"I... I uhm... I need to go back to my friends...", he awkwardly sutters and turns around, about to run through the corridor and towards the light.

"Aren't you going to tell them about Dan?", the figure who matches the voice says.

"Dan?", the man asks, whiping his black hair out of his bright blue eyes.

"Who is Dan?"


End file.
